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Sofia's Story of Supporting TDAS as a Trustee and Chair of the Board My Introduction to TDAS and Lesley Hunter’s Contribution My introduction to Trafford Women’s Aid (TWA), as we were then called, was through a friend, Lesley Hunter, who I had met 10 years earlier whilst working at Stretford Citizens Advice Bureau. We had since both developed different specialisms and moved on to work for separate organisations. I was a Welfare Rights Officer at Manchester City Council and she was an Employment Rights Advisor at the Low Pay Unit (subsequently Greater Manchester Pay and Employment Rights Advisory Service). Lesley was a staunch feminist with a gentle stoicism, razor sharp intellect, and a love for Northern Soul music. She started her tenure on the board of TWA initially as the company Secretary in 1999 and then Chair from 2006 to 2011. She led the organisation in both roles and saw it through a number of organisational restructures both internally, and legally as a company. Her passion for a woman’s right to safety and a decent family life had always been the driving force behind her commitment to the organisation and this was always evident in her decision making. We would talk at length about the issues affecting women suffering domestic violence (as it was then called) and the unfair rules that society imposed on women across cultures; forcing them into situations that were neither their choice, nor in their control. Given my South Asian heritage, I was able to offer insights into the coercive nature of some of the ‘arranged marriages’ that were happening to women I knew. Forced marriage was not yet against the law and was still often misunderstood as ‘arranged marriage’; however many people understood the subtext when this term was misused. Fascinated by the work Lesley was doing with TWA, in 2008 I applied to join the board of trustees and from then until Lesley’s death in 2015, I was coached and mentored by her. I spent many a Sunday afternoon preparing minutes and agendas in Lesley’s living room. Changes at TDAS Along the way much has changed, we now have a community office separate from our refuge. Additionally, the language we use to define our subject has become more defined. We know that physical violence is not the only way victims are harmed, thus instead of ‘domestic violence’ we now use the more nuanced term ‘domestic abuse’ which includes physical abuse along with all the other types of abuse. During my tenure as chair, one of the significant milestones we have reached are that we now deliver services to men. We have a male trustee on the board and we changed our name to Trafford Domestic Abuse Services in August 2012 to reflect this change. The name was chosen by our staff and I agree; it does what it says on the tin! I had suggested Trafford Without Abuse so that we could keep our existing branding, but that was thrown out pretty promptly. The progression to invite a man onto the board was initially met by challenge by some, but the decision made very simple sense to me; equality begins with having everyone around the table. Gender-based violence and abuse cannot be resolved by women alone, we need men around the table as role-models, as advocates, as advisors, as collaborators, as listeners and as doers. We need men who understand that domestic abuse is about power and control and who are willing, able and committed to changing society by standing with women. We want to see all people able to have positive relationships, where each person feels free to walk away, or even to just comfortably say “No, I don’t want that”. Despite some very difficult and challenging times, it’s been an absolute honour and a privilege to serve TDAS. I’m aware that as a society we still have a long way to go and that change will come with education and time. TDAS will continue to lead with its ethos and amazing staff teams providing safety, support, refuge, positivity and hope to those who need us.

Child Victims of Abuse Get Help and Support Thanks to Freemasons As many as 75 local children and young people across the North West, who have been the victims of violence and domestic abuse will be helped thanks to a grant of £70,000 to the Trafford Domestic Abuse Service (TDAS) from Cheshire and West Lancashire Freemasons. The charity are currently increasing their refuge provision and will be helping a total of 75 children and 39 Mothers. They will offer direct support to mothers and children who have been victims of domestic abuse. TDAS are developing a programme of support for mothers, allowing them to develop their understanding of their child's behaviour and experiences, helping them strengthen the bond with their children. Children who have experienced domestic abuse can be effected in the same way as adults. They can live in fear of the abuse, develop anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, have low self-esteem and become withdrawn. Research shows that 62 per cent of children living with domestic abuse are directly harmed by the perpetrator of the abuse, in addition to the harm caused by experiencing the abuse of others. Therefore, children may be suffering from the effects of physical and psychological abuse perpetrated to them at the hands of the abusive adult living in their home. Children will be provided with a minimum eight weeks of support to explore their own experience of domestic abuse, helping them to become emotionally aware and find coping strategies for anxiety, anger and traumatic life events. They will also be supported to keep safe with individualised safety plans, helping them develop a greater understanding of risk and how to keep themselves physically and emotionally safe. More than nine out of ten children and young people who are given this kind of support report a significant improvement in their confidence and self-esteem, better family relationships and a reduction in feelings of isolation. The grant from Cheshire and West Lancashire Freemasons comes through the Masonic Charitable Foundation, which is funded by Freemasons, their families and friends, from across England and Wales. Samantha Fisher, Chief Executive Officer of Trafford Domestic Abuse Service, said: “We’re very grateful to Cheshire and West Lancashire Freemasons for their generous grant, which will provide vital support for families in our refuge accommodation. It will help so many families to heal together and move on from the trauma they have endured. Providing this help over three years is amazing because it allows us to support these families in the long term, so they can live a life free from abuse.” Stephen Blank, speaking on behalf of Cheshire Freemasons, said: “I’m very pleased we’ve been able to support this hugely important project that provides essential help and support for very vulnerable children and young people. Whether they have been the victims of violent abuse themselves or have witnessed their mother being assaulted, the trauma can have a devastating effect on their lives. This grant will also support people in our neighbouring county and my colleague Tony Harrison joins with me, speaking on behalf of West Lancashire Freemasons.”

Christmas Gift Appeal Help TDAS spread some Christmas cheer. We would love to receive donations of the following items (unused) to give as Christmas Gifts to those in our refuge and our service users. Children’s toys – all ages Children’s books – all ages Children’s pyjamas Children’s slippers Children’s hat, glove and scarves Women’s socks Umbrella Purse Women’s Pyjamas Toiletries Chocolates Hot chocolate Handbag Gift Cards/vouchers Handbag of essentials (see below) How to deliver your gift You can drop off your gift 1) At the TDAS office (Mon to Fri 10am – 4pm). Trafford Domestic Abuse Services, Gorse Hill Studios, Cavendish Road, Stretford, Manchester, M32 0PS until Fri 18th Dec 2) You can order your gift online through our Amazon gift list. Gifts bought this way will be delivered to us. https://amzn.eu/eyyEHJu Companies Fancy an alternative to ‘Secret Santa’? Why not have gift tags on your office Christmas tree indicating a gift that an employee can purchase for a child in our refuge (e.g. doll for 6 year old)? The employee can then choose a gift they would like to purchase, purchase the gift, add a little message and put it under your Christmas tree. Near to Christmas, TDAS will come and collect any gifts. TDAS will find out from the children which gifts they would really like to receive and will provide this information for your gift tags. To participate, please contact us at admin@tdas.org.uk Handbag of Essentials Although it’s great to get gifts for the children, we don’t want the mums to be forgotten. One idea for a great gift for a Mum would be a handbag with some essentials in it. Any of the following items (unused) would be great essentials to add to the handbag: Hat Scarf Gloves Cotton buds Emery boards Tampons Sanitary towels Toothbrush Toothpaste Floss Shampoo Conditioner Shower gel Soap Deodorant Lip balm Moisturiser Hairbrush Comb Bobble Chocolate Tissues