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Andy's Story of Getting Involved with TDAS "Before I was approached by TDAS to join the board I had been looking for an opportunity to get involved with a third sector group in the Manchester area. I now work in the public sector but prior to taking up my current post I worked for a third sector organisation for many years and was involved through being an elected representative, with several others, including a Women’s Aid group. In my view the Women’s Aid movement has been one of the most significant factors in raising awareness and changing attitudes to domestic abuse and can be credited with saving the lives of thousands of women since its inception in the 1970s. I got involved with TDAS because I think men should own the problem of domestic violence. In the vast majority of cases it is a crime perpetrated by men against women and is a problem of male behaviour that reflects the continuing in-balance of power between the genders . Men should recognise their collective part in this and, if they can, offer their support to women who try to help other women escape abuse and to bring about change in society as a whole and I am happy to do what I can to support the work of the dedicated women that govern and staff the organisation. The professionalism of the workforce and the commitment of the trustees is inspirational and makes a massive difference to the lives of the many women and children TDAS provides refuge and other services to. TDAS is part of the struggle against a deeply ingrained societal problem but it also has a modern outlook. Recognising that gender is not necessarily fixed and that men can sometimes be victims of domestic abuse has widened the outlook of the organisation. Its work with children and young people to raise awareness is particularly ground breaking and inspirational. It is a privilege to play a small part in an organisation that makes such a huge difference. For somebody whose work prevents them from engaging directly in political activity my involvement with TDAS allows me to support a cause which is key to the better, more equal society I have argued and campaigned for throughout my adult life. " Andy Mudd, TDAS Trustee

FLOATING SUPPORT A Community Based Support Service TDAS offers a Floating Support Service to women and men who live in the Trafford area who have been affected by domestic abuse. TDAS' Specialist Domestic Abuse Workers deliver a wrap-around support and resettlement service to victims of domestic abuse. Our Specialist Domestic Abuse Workers provide targeted support for up to six months and then further individual support can be provided by our trained volunteers. We support women and men to live independently and free from abuse whilst staying in their own home or maintaining/obtaining a tenancy in their own right. Support is organised through individual support plans, all devised with your full involvement to keep our service needs-led and person-centred. We aim to provide a comprehensive and holistic floating support service which includes: Regular face to face work and telephone contact Working towards personalised goals such as access to training, volunteering or return to work opportunities Gaining a better understanding of the dynamics of domestic abuse Awareness and practical support around staying safe, finances, benefits and other independent living skills Advocating with housing, health and social services Help with form filling Help to access benefits and grants Accompaniment at meetings and appointments Support and help to enable you to continue living in your own home Support is provided flexibly to meet service users needs therefore we can offer support meetings in the community and in the evening. We accept self referrals and referrals from other agencies. You can contact the team for more information or download a referral form here Referral Form

PEER TO PEER GROUP: STRONGER WOMEN The Stronger Women Peer to Peer Support Circle A series of peer to peer facilitated support sessions for women who wish to gain a sense of togetherness and feel supported by other women whom have the same lived experience. FRIENDSHIP - CONFIDENCE - UNDERSTANDING - TOGETHERNESS - ENJOYMENT - SKILLS Groups will have a small budget and will be able to select from some of the interesting activities below or choose their own. Sessions might involve activities such as painting by numbers, cookery classes, photography courses, personal development, art classes, exploring enterprise, quilting, sewing groups, team challenge etc. Call to enquire 0161 872 7368 Stronger Women Project is a partnership between TDAS, Blend and Mind .

Accommodation Team Leader Job Title: Accommodation Team Leader Salary/ Rate: Starting salary £20,342.77 (actual) £25,428,46 (FTE) Pension: Pension scheme entitlement after 3 months of employment Location: Trafford Closing Date: Monday 7th December 2020 Date of Interview: Friday 11th December 2020 Preferable Start Date: ASAP Hours: 28 hours Contract end date: 5 months with possible extension dependent on funding. Background TDAS is an independent voluntary organisation which is affiliated to Women’s Aid Federation England. TDAS and has been operating since June 1990. TDAS is a company Limited by guarantee and a registered charity. TDAS is the only specialist agency in Trafford to deliver services to men, women, children and young people who are experiencing or have experienced domestic abuse. Purpose of the role To lead and supervise the Accommodation service and its staff in the day to day running of TDAS refuge and Move on Accommodation. To ensure the provisions of a flexible range of services for women, men, children and young people in the refuge and Move on accommodation and to coordinate a cross borough partnership with other Greater Manchester Refuge accommodation services. To consult with all service users and stakeholders, in order to evaluate and improve all service provisions within the confines of an allocated budget. The role is based at TDAS Refuge with travel across Greater Manchester Involved. Main duties will include: Provide induction, management and supervision and direction to the Accommodation team. Manage and coordinate the referral processes and support provision for vulnerable and high risk cases accessing the accommodation services. Ensure that there is a consistent delivery of services to all users, including risk assessment, safety planning, and referrals to other agencies. Ensure that risk assessment and risk management procedures are followed at all times, prioritising those most at risk. Support and co-supervise the volunteers and students allocated to the Accommodation Services. To apply for this position it is essential that you have a NNEB/NVQ level 3 in Child care and education, Social Care or Teaching or equivalent qualification in Social care, a minimum of two years’ experience of working with service users in a domestic abuse setting and a minimum of two years managing/leading a team. You must be able to assess risk, support plan and deliver services. It is essential that you have an up to date knowledge of Safeguarding. This post is subject to an enhanced DBS. Applicants with minimum qualifications and experience will only be considered. Due to the requirements of the role, we are requesting that female only applicants apply. Please do not send CVs, they will not be processed. No agencies please. For further information please contact Jade Powell admin@tdas.org.uk Tel: 0161 872 7368 Equal Opportunities References GDPR Form Job Advert Job Description Application Form

Lisa's Story I was 19 when I met my ex-partner. It was almost like I'd waited forever to meet someone as genuine and funny as him. We started to spend a lot of time together. I would travel for hours to see him and we were inseparable for the most part. Things seemed pretty normal, I didn't really question things at the time but now I look back and know that the behaviour he portrayed was not normal, nor healthy. He would lock me in the house “to keep me safe”, as he would say. He used to hide my bank card so I couldn't buy train tickets to get back home, but it wasn’t malicious he just “wanted to spend more time with me”. I spent a lot of time staying over for a few days at a time then travelling back, but he always convinced me to stay longer. This meant I was missing out on days at work and I was forever making excuses for not turning in. He would cause havoc if I left, so I took the easy option and stayed to delay the battle of leaving. The first time I ever questioned his behaviour was when I woke to him on top of me, holding me down; there were sexual things happening without me consenting to it as I was asleep . This made me sick to my stomach. It wasn’t normal, nor was it okay. Then I started to piece the puzzle together and I realised how controlling he was. He locked me in the house which isn’t normal behaviour. I hated how long it had taken me to figure out that his behaviour wasn't normal but now I had seen him for what he was, I wasn't going to take it anymore. I ended the relationship. I was 8 weeks pregnant when I left him. This baby had been conceived under such distressing circumstances, however I was not going to let that destroy my happiness at becoming a mother. I carried my baby girl for 9 months. I stayed strong when he tried to make me crumble. He made me feel vulnerable. I was terrified living at home, I felt like despite him not living close by he had eyes on me all the time. I would receive text messages from him stating where I was. I had no idea how he knew but it became so distressing that I didn't want to leave the house anymore. When my daughter was born I really hoped that he would step up, stop the toxic behaviour and focus on being a father after all, that's what she deserved. He couldn't be that person, he hurt my daughter and I knew I had to cut contact. How could anyone hurt a baby? A brand new baby! He told me not to call the police, that they wouldn't believe me anyway and he that had every right to be at my house and see his daughter. He talked me into never going to the police because they would always believe him. I stopped contact with him but it didn't end there. His family got involved, he upped his threats and controlling behaviour. He would take pictures outside my house and he talked my parents into letting him come into the house. It was a very scary time. When my daughter turned one I had got to the point where I realised that this situation was so damaging to my mental health that I needed to get away. I didn't feel safe at home, I couldn't leave the house without having anxiety attacks. I picked up the phone to TDAS . I felt silly at first. I felt like my situation wasn't worthy of calling these helplines, but they were so incredibly helpful. I explained my situation, I went through a routine questionnaire and, much to my surprise, my situation scored as ‘high risk’. TDAS truly wanted to help me and they wanted to get me and my daughter to a safe place. It all happened very quickly, there was a space in the refuge. I had heard of women going to refuges but I still didn't feel my case was worthy of complaining about really. This was because he had controlled my mind to believe that I was in the wrong all the time and his behaviour was nothing to bother about. It took time for me to accept that it wasn't my fault. I didn't aggravate him and I didn't deserve the mental, physical, sexual or financial abuse he had put me through. I couldn't have got to where I am today without TDAS. When I walked into the refuge I didn't know who I was; I didn't have control of my own mind, it had been run by my ex-partner for so long. My daughter and I were finally safe, we could leave the refuge and do normal things. We went to play areas and parks. We did shopping and did all the things you should be able to do with your child. TDAS gave me my life back! Whilst at the refuge I had a designated worker who was practically on-call if ever I needed any help or advice; it was such a comfort and I cannot thank TDAS enough for making me and my daughter find freedom after such a horrible experience. TDAS helped me rebuild my life, starting with my confidence. They supported me, making me know my own worth and strengthening my mind for any future relationships . They helped me in ways I will never be able to understand because they truly did change my life. I am now 25, I have two beautiful children and a fiance, he couldn't be further from my ex-partner. There are issues from the past that arise on a rare occasions but he is the greatest support and I am living a life I could only have dreamt of all those years ago. If you are experiencing controlling behaviour, please do not sit and resign yourself to it. It's not normal behaviour and often it can be the starting point for things going downhill. If you have any worries about being in an unhealthy relationship please contact TDAS they can help you, the support they offer is second to none. Again, thank you TDAS. I owe my life to you, you gave me a future! Thanks so much for sharing your story Lisa!

CASE STUDY TDAS (Trafford Domestic Abuse Services) run regular True Colours courses delivered by specialist domestic abuse advisors who have many years’ experience supporting victims of abuse. These courses are for women who’ve experienced domestic abuse and help participants understand the dynamics and effects of domestic abuse. They are funded by Community Foundations for Lancashire and Merseyside from the Tampon Tax Community Fund. In this interview we catch up with Carrie* who completed the course a few months ago to hear about her experience of True Colours. How did you find out about the True Colours course? Through social services, they recommended that I go on the course. At that time, I had a social worker due to my ex-husband making false accusations about the quality of my parenting. It was the social worker who could really see how abusive he was being. How did you feel about taking a course on the dynamics and effects of Domestic Abuse? I wasn’t sure what to expect from the course or if it would be for me. I was experiencing coercive behaviour from my ex, but I wasn’t fully seeing it. I didn’t see myself as a victim and thought that other people were victims or that they had it worse than me. How was the first session? In the first few sessions I was quite guarded, we all were. We were still weighing it all up. The TDAS trainers were really brilliant, I have nothing but praise for them. Right from the start the trainers made it clear that we didn’t have to speak, but that if we chose to everything would be kept completely confidential. After two or three sessions we all started to open up. What were the other women on the course like and how did you interact? It was a very diverse group; young, older, from different walks of life and very different from each other on the surface. It makes you realise that abuse doesn’t discriminate and a person can have been in the relationship for 5 weeks or 50 years. Our situations were in reality very similar though. We learned a lot from each other. It was great to see people making progress and giving their different opinions. I learnt that it doesn’t matter who you are, the effects of domestic abuse on you will be similar. I saw that we’ve all experienced a version of the same thing. Sometimes someone would say something in such way that would really help you to think differently about an aspect of the abuse, which was really useful. It’s was a great comfort to know that I wasn’t alone and was not crazy. Did you find anything surprising or unusual about the course? Although it might seem strange, there were a lot of times on the course where we had fun and laughed together. It was often serious but with very funny moments. I found it a unique and valuable course. What has been the impact of the course? What did you learn? As I understood that my ex had done all the different domestic abuse behaviours – financial control, physical violence, insults, withholding access to the kids and even trying to use the court system to control me. I was able to name it ‘abuse’. I also saw the damage that he’d caused me, for example, I used to regularly tell people ‘I’m not thick’, because he was always saying that I was stupid. These things can stay with you if you don’t confront them. True Colours was part of unpicking the damage he’d done. I used to cover up how I was feeling by laughing or making a joke, now I can let myself cry if I need to. The group really helped me to deal with the shame I felt. Shame that I’d let it get so bad and that it had gone on for so long. By opening up to the group I felt supported and less ashamed, knowing that they understood. He had me convinced that I had mental problems, but it was all gaslighting. He was so convincing at making me think I was very forgetful. He was messing with my mind – it was sick fun for him but terrible for me. What have been the long term benefits of doing the course? There are so many! One key thing for me is now that I have a greater understanding of the abuse, I am able to better help my kids. They still have some contact with their Dad and the course has helped me to manage this so that he can’t manipulate me, which has been so important. When he tries to manipulate the children to get at me, I can be ready to help them understand and diffuse it for them. I still have some anxiety related to my ex but it’s getting better all the time. The course has helped me see his abusive patterns of behaviour and what he’s trying to do. This helps me be aware and make sure he can’t get to me anymore. Were there any memorable moments on the course? A key moment for me was when we were looking at some domestic abuse scenarios in the group; although the scenario was one I’d experienced, when I was reading it I no longer imagined myself in that situation, I was picturing someone else. I knew then that I’d really moved on as I could no longer picture myself in that situation. It might seem really dramatic to call myself a survivor, but it is true. I am survivor and no longer a victim. How would you sum up the True Colours course? I found the course really amazing and life-changing in so many ways. It was the best group ever. It even gave me the confidence to stand up to my ex in court! I can't believe that I let it get so bad but TDAS was my saving grace. For that, I will be eternally grateful. What would you say to someone who’s considering doing the True Colours course? I would say, “Please do the True Colours course, take the leap! You can learn how to step back from the situation and really understand it, so that you won’t be terrorised anymore. Otherwise nothing will change.” Someone recently opened up to me that she had been assaulted by her husband and I encouraged her to contact TDAS as I know she’ll get the support she needs. Is there anything else you want to tell us about your experience on True Colours? I’m still in touch with the women from the course. We are now good friends. We keep in touch regularly on a Whatsapp group supporting each other with encouraging little messages. It’s really great to still be able to reach out to people who I know understand. Thank you Carrie for sharing your experience of the True Colours course. *Name has been changed to protect identity

LONDON MARATHON Would you love to run the Virgin Money London Marathon in aid of TDAS in 2020? TDAS has now found its marathon runner for the London Marathon next year , but we are looking for a back up runner , just in case. We have ONE charity place for the marathon which takes place on 26th April 2020. If you would like to apply for the reserve place , please email your responses to the following questions to admin@tdas.org.uk Have you run a marathon before? If so, where and when? Did you finish? What time did you achieve? How much sponsorship money have you previously raised for a running event? Please send a screenshot of your fundraising page or other evidence. Would you be able to agree to raise as much sponsorship money as possible for TDAS? Would you be able to attend fundraising events at the Virgin Money Lounge in Manchester and allow use of photos to promote your fundraising? What links do you have to Trafford? Your contact details

Online Auction TDAS are holding an online auction from 4th Nov to 14th Nov . All money raised will support the work of TDAS. Here are some of the items you can bid on. Our grateful thanks to the companies and individuals who donated these items. Place your bids now! Click here to see the listings https://bit.ly/2Gribhk Manchester City Football Club. Home shirt signed by Phil Foden with authentication number and certificate. Donated by Manchester City Football Club www.mancity.com 3 hours design consultancy (1 hour initial meeting and 2 hours follow up design work). T&Cs Apply. Donated by Nest Interior Design www.nestinteriordesign.co.uk All Day Glamcycle Furniture Painting and Decoupage Workshop with Sarah Parmenter. Workshop include all materials, lunch and refreshments. Attendees get to takeaway a side table that they’ve worked on at the end of the day (T&Cs Apply) . Donated by www.r elovedmcr.com £50 Shopping Voucher and One hour style session (T&C's apply). Donated by Style Agent www.styleagent.co.uk One Months Membership to get access to their fun, friendly and accessible fitness classes (T&Cs Apply) Donated by Witness the Fitness www.facebook.com/witnessthefitness999 £50 Amazon Voucher. Donated by Arval UK www.arval.co.uk Banquet Meal for 2 people with delivery. Vegetarian and vegan options available. (T&Cs Apply). Donated by Kabana Restaurant www.facebook.com/kabanacheethamhill Body Shop Beauty Hamper. Donated by Karen's Pamper and Gifts tinyurl.com/yyevojfx Redken Diamond Oil Glow Dry Gift Packs. Donated by L'oreal www.loreal.com Pandora Charm Bracelet Thomas Sabo Charm Club Bracelet The Soapremes Gift Pack (Soap and Glory) Tomtom start 50 UK Glucodock blood glucose monitor

Child Victims of Abuse Get Help and Support Thanks to Freemasons As many as 75 local children and young people across the North West, who have been the victims of violence and domestic abuse will be helped thanks to a grant of £70,000 to the Trafford Domestic Abuse Service (TDAS) from Cheshire and West Lancashire Freemasons. The charity are currently increasing their refuge provision and will be helping a total of 75 children and 39 Mothers. They will offer direct support to mothers and children who have been victims of domestic abuse. TDAS are developing a programme of support for mothers, allowing them to develop their understanding of their child's behaviour and experiences, helping them strengthen the bond with their children. Children who have experienced domestic abuse can be effected in the same way as adults. They can live in fear of the abuse, develop anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, have low self-esteem and become withdrawn. Research shows that 62 per cent of children living with domestic abuse are directly harmed by the perpetrator of the abuse, in addition to the harm caused by experiencing the abuse of others. Therefore, children may be suffering from the effects of physical and psychological abuse perpetrated to them at the hands of the abusive adult living in their home. Children will be provided with a minimum eight weeks of support to explore their own experience of domestic abuse, helping them to become emotionally aware and find coping strategies for anxiety, anger and traumatic life events. They will also be supported to keep safe with individualised safety plans, helping them develop a greater understanding of risk and how to keep themselves physically and emotionally safe. More than nine out of ten children and young people who are given this kind of support report a significant improvement in their confidence and self-esteem, better family relationships and a reduction in feelings of isolation. The grant from Cheshire and West Lancashire Freemasons comes through the Masonic Charitable Foundation, which is funded by Freemasons, their families and friends, from across England and Wales. Samantha Fisher, Chief Executive Officer of Trafford Domestic Abuse Service, said: “We’re very grateful to Cheshire and West Lancashire Freemasons for their generous grant, which will provide vital support for families in our refuge accommodation. It will help so many families to heal together and move on from the trauma they have endured. Providing this help over three years is amazing because it allows us to support these families in the long term, so they can live a life free from abuse.” Stephen Blank, speaking on behalf of Cheshire Freemasons, said: “I’m very pleased we’ve been able to support this hugely important project that provides essential help and support for very vulnerable children and young people. Whether they have been the victims of violent abuse themselves or have witnessed their mother being assaulted, the trauma can have a devastating effect on their lives. This grant will also support people in our neighbouring county and my colleague Tony Harrison joins with me, speaking on behalf of West Lancashire Freemasons.”

Assistant Children's Volunteer Location: TDAS Refuge and Community Office Main Contact: TDAS Volunteer Coordinator Background Trafford Domestic Abuse Services (TDAS) is a registered charity offering support to individuals and families living or working in the Trafford area who are suffering or who have suffered domestic abuse. We provide both intervention and prevention services and work in partnership with other voluntary organisations to support families across Greater Manchester. Purpose of the role To assist the Children and Young Peoples (CYP) Co-ordinator and CYP Support Workers in delivering a flexible and holistic range of services for children/young people in the refuge and community. Main duties Collecting regular feedback from service users to ensure the continued improvement of services and support offered to children and young people by TDAS. Complement the support services offered by the CYP Co-ordinator and Support Worker. Support the CYP Co-ordinator in the delivery of our specialised CYP programmes. Report back to the CYP Co-ordinator if any issues are raised by the children or young people. Any other reasonable duties outlined by the CYP Co-ordinator and Services Manager/Staff. Provide a welcoming, safe, stimulating and inclusive environment in which children/young people can be supported, enjoy themselves, develop to their full potential and meet the requirements of Every Child Matters and current legislation. Promote an inclusive environment that meets the differing needs of all children and young people. Provide an environment for children/young people in which their physical, emotional, intellectual and social wellbeing are all promoted. Work to the standards laid down within the bounds of the Policy and Procedures of TDAS. Experience/ Knowledge/ Qualifications Basic understanding of domestic abuse, its effects on the victims, their families and the wider community. Clear understanding of safeguarding adults, children and young people. Positive commitment to Equality and Diversity. Site This role is to be conducted within the community in the Borough of Trafford. TDAS main office address is: Gorse Hill Studios, Cavendish Road, Stretford, Manchester, M32 0PS. Supervision This role is subject to enhanced DBS disclosure checks; Volunteers are responsible to the Volunteer Coordinator; Volunteers are to ensure that all organisational policies and procedures are followed and adhered to appropriately; Volunteers are expected to follow reporting procedures outlined by the Volunteer Coordinator and in line with Policy and Procedure; this applies to all concerns, incidents and anything relating to Adult and Child Protection/ Safeguarding. Volunteers are expected to attend regular supervision meetings with the Volunteer Coordinator; The health and safety of volunteers, staff and service users is paramount and it is essential that volunteers take accountability of this when undertaking this role. Benefits Volunteers are expected to undertake training relevant to the post; this will be provided by the organisation. Travel and other expenses (deemed appropriate by the Services Manager) will be reimbursed. Ongoing personal development and training will be supported, encouraged and facilitated where possible How to apply If you are interested in this role, please contact us for more information. If you would like to apply for this role, please complete the application form and return it to: admin@tdas.org.uk Application Form

Volunteer Office Support Location: TDAS office Main Contact: TDAS Volunteer Coordinator Background Trafford Domestic Abuse Services (TDAS) is a registered charity offering support to individuals and families living or working in the Trafford area who are suffering or who have suffered domestic abuse. We provide both intervention and prevention services and work in partnership with other voluntary organisations to support families across Greater Manchester. Purpose of the role To provide office support for TDAS services and programmes. Activities Complement the work undertaken by the Administrator and staff within the community office including: Maintenance and development of data and information recording systems Day to day office administration for the C.E.O, Services Manager and other staff as required Distributing post and emails to relevant colleagues Telephoning service users to invite them to appointments or programmes and passing on accurate messages to colleagues To listen to and deal with telephone messages. Collecting and collating information relevant to the organisation Email and post TDAS service leaflets to agencies across Trafford Archiving files Supporting with TDAS’ social media accounts, such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter To work to promote and support the development of TDAS by being a positive ambassador at all times with colleagues, service users and external agencies Phoning service users to obtain feedback on the support they have received from TDAS’s services and documenting appropriately Participate in other organisational events/activities as agreed with the Volunteer Coordinator. Experience/ Knowledge/ Qualifications Good understanding and ability to use IT software packages including Microsoft Word, Excel, Power Point, etc. Ability to use social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter A general understanding of domestic abuse, its effects on the victims, their families and the wider community An understanding of safeguarding adults, children and young people Positive commitment to Equality and Diversity. A clear understanding of professional boundaries, confidentiality and an awareness of GDPR Site This volunteering role will be based at: TDAS, Gorse Hill Studios, Cavendish Road, Stretford, Manchester, M32 0PS. Supervision This volunteering role is subject to receiving satisfactory references and may require an enhanced DBS check. Volunteers are responsible to the Volunteer Coordinator. Volunteers are to ensure that all organisational policies and procedures are followed and adhered to appropriately. Volunteers are expected to follow reporting procedures outlined by the Volunteer Coordinator and in line with Policy and Procedure; this applies to all concerns, incidents and anything relating to Adult and Child Protection/Safeguarding. Volunteers are expected to attend regular supervision meetings with the Volunteer Coordinator. The health and safety of volunteers, staff and service users is paramount, and it is essential that volunteers take accountability of this when undertaking this role Benefits Volunteers will be offered training, which is relevant to the volunteering role, which will be provided by the organisation. This may be in house training or through an external organisation. Travel expenses from getting to and from TDAS will be reimbursed (within reason and agreed with the Volunteer Coordinator) Ongoing personal development and training will be supported, encouraged and facilitated where possible How to apply If you are interested in this role, please contact us for more information. If you would like to apply for this role, please complete the application form and return it to: admin@tdas.org.uk Application Form

Sofia's Story of Supporting TDAS as a Trustee and Chair of the Board My Introduction to TDAS and Lesley Hunter’s Contribution My introduction to Trafford Women’s Aid (TWA), as we were then called, was through a friend, Lesley Hunter, who I had met 10 years earlier whilst working at Stretford Citizens Advice Bureau. We had since both developed different specialisms and moved on to work for separate organisations. I was a Welfare Rights Officer at Manchester City Council and she was an Employment Rights Advisor at the Low Pay Unit (subsequently Greater Manchester Pay and Employment Rights Advisory Service). Lesley was a staunch feminist with a gentle stoicism, razor sharp intellect, and a love for Northern Soul music. She started her tenure on the board of TWA initially as the company Secretary in 1999 and then Chair from 2006 to 2011. She led the organisation in both roles and saw it through a number of organisational restructures both internally, and legally as a company. Her passion for a woman’s right to safety and a decent family life had always been the driving force behind her commitment to the organisation and this was always evident in her decision making. We would talk at length about the issues affecting women suffering domestic violence (as it was then called) and the unfair rules that society imposed on women across cultures; forcing them into situations that were neither their choice, nor in their control. Given my South Asian heritage, I was able to offer insights into the coercive nature of some of the ‘arranged marriages’ that were happening to women I knew. Forced marriage was not yet against the law and was still often misunderstood as ‘arranged marriage’; however many people understood the subtext when this term was misused. Fascinated by the work Lesley was doing with TWA, in 2008 I applied to join the board of trustees and from then until Lesley’s death in 2015, I was coached and mentored by her. I spent many a Sunday afternoon preparing minutes and agendas in Lesley’s living room. Changes at TDAS Along the way much has changed, we now have a community office separate from our refuge. Additionally, the language we use to define our subject has become more defined. We know that physical violence is not the only way victims are harmed, thus instead of ‘domestic violence’ we now use the more nuanced term ‘domestic abuse’ which includes physical abuse along with all the other types of abuse. During my tenure as chair, one of the significant milestones we have reached are that we now deliver services to men. We have a male trustee on the board and we changed our name to Trafford Domestic Abuse Services in August 2012 to reflect this change. The name was chosen by our staff and I agree; it does what it says on the tin! I had suggested Trafford Without Abuse so that we could keep our existing branding, but that was thrown out pretty promptly. The progression to invite a man onto the board was initially met by challenge by some, but the decision made very simple sense to me; equality begins with having everyone around the table. Gender-based violence and abuse cannot be resolved by women alone, we need men around the table as role-models, as advocates, as advisors, as collaborators, as listeners and as doers. We need men who understand that domestic abuse is about power and control and who are willing, able and committed to changing society by standing with women. We want to see all people able to have positive relationships, where each person feels free to walk away, or even to just comfortably say “No, I don’t want that”. Despite some very difficult and challenging times, it’s been an absolute honour and a privilege to serve TDAS. I’m aware that as a society we still have a long way to go and that change will come with education and time. TDAS will continue to lead with its ethos and amazing staff teams providing safety, support, refuge, positivity and hope to those who need us.