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News about TDAS. Read the latest blog posts. Read the stories of victims of domestic abuse and how TDAS helped and supported them. NEWS Sofia's Story of Supporting TDAS as a Trustee and Chair of the Board November 19, 2020 Read Sofia’s story of her involvement with TDAS. As a trustee and chair of the board she’s been instrumental in leading TDAS’ development over the last 12 years, including opening the service to male victims of domestic abuse and ensuring service provision to all Trafford communities. Read Sofia's Story TDAS to receive support from Coop Local Community Fund November 10, 2020 TDAS are delighted that our True Colours Courses have been chosen to benefit from the Co-op Local Community Fund over the next 12 months. TDAS True Colours is an important course that allows people to learn about the dynamics and realities of domestic abuse within a supportive group setting. Many participants find it life-changing. Co-op members, please select us as your local cause by visiting https://membership.coop.co.uk/causes/47012 ,logging into your account and selecting TDAS. Then when you buy selected branded products and services, the Co-op will give a donation to TDAS. If you’d like to support TDAS as you shop, you can join online at coop.co.uk/membership or via the app at https://www.coop.co.uk/coop-app Thanks to Coop Local Community Fund for selecting TDAS and to Coop Members for your support! Support TDAS as you shop Child Victims of Abuse to Get Help and Support Thanks to Freemasons October 18, 2020 As many as 75 local children and young people across the North West, who have been the victims of violence and domestic abuse will be helped thanks to a grant of £70,000 to TDAS from Cheshire and West Lancashire Freemasons. Samantha Fisher, Chief Executive Officer of Trafford Domestic Abuse Service, said: “We’re very grateful to Cheshire and West Lancashire Freemasons for their generous grant, which will provide vital support for families in our refuge accommodation. It will help so many families to heal together and move on from the trauma they have endured. Providing this help over three years is amazing because it allows us to support these families in the long term, so they can live a life free from abuse.” Read More Why Nihal Loves Giving to and Volunteering with TDAS October 04, 2020 Nihal, one of TDAS' volunteers and a regular donor, said “I have supported TDAS now for about 5 years. It started for me with just assisting with a few presents for families at Christmas to go on to a much more active volunteer role. I feel TDAS has given me so much by allowing me to get actively involved and directly help families. From holding a Christmas party for the refuge children, to helping with events and providing collections of clothing for new refuge families. It is an amazing charity where you know every penny you donate goes to making peoples’ lives better. All the staff at TDAS are so special where nothing is ever too much trouble for them and am so happy they have welcomed me as part of their team. Happy 30th birthday TDAS! I look forward to continuing to support TDAS for the next 3 decades! “ Interested in volunteering? Contact Emily.mcmillan@tdas.org.uk to find out more. Want to donate to support TDAS’ work? Donate now Judith's 24 Years of Supporting TDAS September 23, 2020 Judith Lloyd is TDAS’ longest serving trustee having supported the charity for 24 years. Judith reflects on the growth and development of TDAS and her pride in the vast progress we’ve made over the years. Read Judith's Story Why I Chose to Get Involved with TDAS September 02, 2020 Andy Mudd is one of TDAS’ trustees. Andy reflects on the importance of men being active in supporting of the work of TDAS. TDAS love to hear from men who want to support our mission to help those breaking free from abuse. Read Andy's Story Read Lisa's Story of how TDAS helped her break free from abuse July 29, 2020 Lisa shares her story of how her boyfriend increasingly controlled and abused her even while she was trying to cut ties with him and how TDAS helped her understand her situation and supported her to rebuild her self-esteem and confidence. Read Lisa's Story Read Katie's Powerful Story of Surviving and Thriving following Domestic Abuse July 22, 2020 Katie wanted to share her story to encourage those currently living in refuge. Katie came to the TDAS refuge with her 6 year old son ten years ago. Since then she’s set about achieving many of her life’s ambitions. Read Katie's Story Bernice's Memories of Advocating for Refuge in the 1990s July 14, 2020 Before I was a Local Councillor I worked in another area as a Housing Manager for a Housing Association. I remember one occasion where a woman came into the office. It was a winter’s day and it had been snowing. She was in crisis. As she sat there talking to me, her eye was swelling up. When she had been out in the cold, the swelling had been suppressed, but as she was warming up her eye just began to balloon! ... Continue Reading TDAS Supported by Global's Make Some Noise Emergency Appeal August 02, 2020 Global’s Make Some Noise Emergency Appeal is supporting small UK charities particularly affected by Covid 19. TDAS has dealt with an unprecedented volume of calls during the pandemic. We featured on LBC radio where Vicky, a domestic abuse advisor at TDAS, reflects on her own experience of domestic abuse and how victims during lockdown have found it even harder than usual to flee and to access the support they need. TDAS has responded creatively to ensure individuals receive the support they need. Global's Make Some Noise Emergency Appeal July 01, 2020 A huge, huge thank you to everyone who supported Global's Make Some Noise Emergency Appeal. It raised over £1,700,000 to help small charities like TDAS, a tremendous result! Thanks to all who undertook challenges, participated and donated. Watch Video How did TDAS’ begin? June 24, 2020 In 1987 three women incensed by the lack of support given to women experiencing domestic abuse decided to create the first women’s refuge in Trafford. They fundraised for three years until in 1990 they were able to take on and renew a derelict building. Their first challenge was to make it habitable and then to make it a place of safety, welcome and solace for women experiencing domestic abuse. This was the start of Trafford Women’s Aid. Over the years we’ve expanded our services to not just provide refuge, although this continues to be a very important service, but also to provide services in the community and support to children whose families are experiencing domestic abuse. We changed our name in 2012 to Trafford Domestic Abuse Services (TDAS) to reflect the fact that men also experience abuse and we are proud to support and help them. Over the years we’ve helped and supported thousands of people to break free from domestic abuse and to move on to a much happier future. We want to thank all those who over the last 30 years have played their part in making TDAS what it is today; whether founder, staff member, volunteer, funder or individual donor – you have made a real difference and without your unique contribution TDAS would not have been able to help so many people! Thank you! TDAS providing Trafford IDVA Services April 16, 2020 TDAS is pleased to announce that since 1st April 2020 we are providing the IDVA (Independent Domestic Violence Advocate) service in Trafford, with all current cases being seamlessly transferred. This service supports victims of domestic abuse over the age of 16 who are at high risk of harm. Our IDVAs provide professional support and guidance to victims of domestic abuse throughout their journey from crisis to safety. This is achieved through collaborative working within a multi-agency framework where the safety of the victim, and their children, is always at the heart of any work undertaken. Sam Fisher, TDAS CEO, commented “Having the IDVA service within TDAS provides a front door for Trafford families and individuals effected by domestic abuse offering holistic support and allowing for the fluidity of risk, it enables cases to be rapidly escalated to an IDVA, as soon as an increased risk is detected. This will ensure victims get quick support in an intensifying situation.” “Unfortunately, the coronavirus lockdown has meant that many more cases of domestic abuse are escalating, with victims experiencing increased control and isolation. We are still offering lots of support during the outbreak. We’re providing a callback service for all enquiries this is to help us deal with the current high volume of calls and to prioritise the cases requiring a rapid response.” For more information visit www.tdas.org.uk . Call 0161 872 7368 or text 07534066029 (if safe to do so). Alternatively email info@tdas.org.uk More Information Spread some Christmas cheer to those who need it most! November 08, 2019 TDAS are asking shoppers to add a little gift to their baskets for a child or adult living in refuge. Receiving a Christmas gift can mean so much to someone who has needed to flee their home due to domestic abuse. Sam Fisher, TDAS CEO said “Christmas can be a difficult time for the families we support. Children can miss their toys and home comforts, and it can be very hard for parents too.” Trafford Domestic Abuse Services is a local charity supporting those who are suffering from domestic abuse. As an INTU fountain fund supported charity, TDAS will be in the INTU Trafford Centre all day on Saturday 23rd November collecting donations of gifts (unwrapped), financial donations and telling people about their work. If you want to support the appeal but can't come along that day, don't worry there are other ways to get your gift to us. Christmas Gift Appeal TDAS Awarded New Funding for Ending Women’s Homelessness! November 07, 2019 TDAS are delighted to have been selected to receive £29,579 from Homeless Link, part of the Government’s Tampon Tax Fund. These funds will allow us to provide a specialist service to support and advise women affected by abuse and homelessness or at risk of homelessness. Read more Children and Young People Now Awards Finalists! October 09, 2019 TDAS’ children and young people’s service have been confirmed as finalists in this year’s Children and Young People Now Awards! To have our work recognised at a national level in these prestigious awards in the advice and guidance category is a real honour and is testament to the innovative work and dedication of our children and young people’s team. The winners will be announced at the award ceremony which will take place on Thursday 28th November. Click Here Guess the Name of the Bear - Competition Winner August 12, 2019 TDAS spent the day at intu Trafford Centre on 8th August meeting members of the public. Build-a-Bear generously donated a bear for our ‘Guess the Name of the Bear Completion’. Sophie correctly guessed that our bear was called Muffins! Congratulations to Sophie for winning Muffins the bear. Thank you to everyone who took part in the competition. Read Carrie's Story of the Impact of TDAS' True Colours Course August 11, 2019 Read all about the impact of TDAS' True Colours course on Carrie who recently participated. "I found the course really amazing and life-changing in so many ways. It was the best group ever. " We are hugely grateful for the funding we receive from the Community Foundations for Lancashire and Merseyside, through the Tampon Tax Community Fund, which allows us to run the True Colours regularly. Read Carrie's Story Winner Announced: Guess the Name of the Teddy Competition August 04, 2019 Emily correctly guessed that our bear is called Barney! Congratulations to Emily for winning Barney the bear and the other goodies. Thank you to everyone who took part in the competition. TDAS Win Community Project of the Year at UKFast Awards July 21, 2019 TDAS Children and Young People Service won the UK Fast Community and Education Award for its fantastic success in supporting Children and Young people affected by Domestic Abuse. Samantha Fisher, TDAS CEO “We are so proud of the excellent work done by the TDAS Children and Young People team with support from our volunteers. We thank the judges for selecting us as the ‘Community Project of the Year’, it is a great recognition of the high quality of the support we’re offering to children and young people affected by domestic abuse.” Our Children and Young People’s service works very hard to support those who have been affected by domestic abuse; this can be within their family or in their own relationship. R'Space is our programme that works with children between the ages of 5 and 13 to help them after witnessing domestic abuse. This is very valuable course which supports children dealing with their feelings about what they have witnessed. The course is powerful in breaking any isolation that they may feel and giving them a safe place where they can speak about it whilst meeting other children who have had similar experiences. Speak Out, Speak Now is a course for older teenagers, this course teaches them about healthy relationships and is successful in changing attitudes about what is healthy, unhealthy or abusive within a relationship. This helps young people to have good relationships in the future and to spot the signs of unhealthy or abusive behaviours. BBC Children in Need fund these courses, which we are very grateful for, allowing us to run them regularly gives timely support to children and young people. We also offer one-to-one support for those children and young people who need additional help. We work with schools throughout Trafford to engage their pupils in developing a greater understanding of domestic abuse and healthy relationships. For more information about any of our work, please contact the team info@tdas.org.uk Read More TDAS Ladies Lunch Raises £1100 June 30, 2019 TDAS (Trafford Domestic Abuse Services), a local charity supporting those affected by domestic abuse, wishes to thank all those who participated in the TDAS Ladies Lunch Event at Cresta Court Hotel, Altrincham on Sat 15th June. A fabulous afternoon was had by all, with sparkling reception, delicious two course meal and entertainment from Heidi Lu and a drama performed by MaD Theatre highlighting the affects of domestic abuse. Sam Fisher, TDAS CEO commented “We were delighted so many ladies supported the event and we were thrilled to showcase the MaD Theatre drama “Blackeyes and Cottage Pies”. The drama is performed in local secondary schools allowing us to engage young people creatively with the issue of domestic abuse before we deliver specific lessons on the topic. We also thank everyone involved for helping us to raise these funds which will go to supporting this important domestic abuse prevention work”. For more information about how to get your school involved contact TDAS at admin@tdas.org.uk TDAS Ladies Lunch April 03, 2019 TDAS Ladies Lunch Sat 15th June Cresta Court Hotel, Altrincham Sparkling reception, delicious two course meal, games, raffle and the chance to learn about TDAS' life saving and life transforming work. Invite your friends, it's going to be fabulous! Early booking discount available. Get your ticket now! Buy Tickets New Projects to Support Female Victims of Domestic Abuse in Trafford March 26, 2019 Trafford Domestic Abuse Services (TDAS) is delighted to win new funding from the ‘Tampon Tax’, granted via Community Foundations for Lancashire and Merseyside to support female victims of domestic abuse. TDAS will be running special courses open to those living or working in Trafford. True colours - which helps participants understand the effects of the abuse suffered and how to recognise unhealthy relationships. Back to me – helping women move past and recover from traumatic experiences through confidence and assertiveness building. Benefiting nearly 100 women, TDAS’ team of domestic abuse specialists will use these proven programmes running throughout 2019 to aid women in their recoveries. Key to the success of the courses is combatting isolation experienced by victims due to a partner/family member’s controlling behaviour. The groups of victims/survivors learn together, support each other and create a safe space for experiences to be shared and reflected on with expert guidance. Small groups of 10-12 participants, of a variety of ages, take part in weekly work for 6 to 8 weeks. Participants come from all walks of life. The curriculums use multiple teaching styles and activities with group work and individual reflection based on case studies and other materials. Sam Fisher, Tdas CEO commented, “We are so excited to have this funding for programmes for our local community. We’ve previously seen these courses provide such fantastic results in the lives of the women who participate. It can be really life-changing!” To find out more or to participate in a future course visit tdas.org.uk or call 0161 872 7368 Thank you for your generosity! January 08, 2019 We received many kind donations in response to our appeal for Christmas Gifts for the children and young people living in our accommodation. These children have often had to leave everything behind them, including possessions, to flee to safety from domestic abuse. A Christmas gift can mean the world to them knowing that they are valued and not forgotten. As one grateful mother told us "I am beyond thankful, these gifts have given my daughter the Christmas she deserved but one that I couldn't afford!" Thank you to everyone who donated, you really helped light-up Christmas at our refuge! Christmas Gift Appeal November 27, 2018 This Tuesday 27 November intu Trafford Centre is teaming up with us for #GivingTuesday to give support for our families who will be staying in our safe houses over Christmas by donating a toy for the children or gift for the mums . And we need YOUR help! We will be in the centre all day on #GivingTuesday with a special kiosk to launch our Christmas campaign which will allow visitors to donate a gift for less fortunate families this Christmas. Items needed include clothes, toiletries, household appliances and even toys to ensure local children don’t go without this festive period. If you can support with a gift or donation, come along and see us we will have a stall outside Vodafone on Lower Peel Avenue this Tuesday. On the day there will also be a range of activities on the kiosk for families to get involved in including: Christmas Card decorations – 11am, 2pm, 5pm & 8pm Christmas Bauble Decorations – 12 noon, 3pm, 6pm & 8pm Christmas Dream Catcher Decorating – 1pm, 4pm & 7pm Meet Hamley Bear from Hamleys (throughout the day) So why not pop along on the day and help give more to the families most in need of a helping hand this Christmas. Great Manchester Run May 18, 2019 Do you want to run for TDAS? Why not fund-raise for a local charity where all proceeds made go towards supporting women, men and children who have been effected by domestic abuse. Sign up here Please reload Click to hear clip 00:00 / 01:45

Jenny's Story I believe my husband has narcissistic personality disorder, the covert/vulnerable type. His mother had borderline personality disorder (a cluster B mental disorder condition) and she was diagnosed in the last 10 years of her life. She showed no outward sign of love or affection to her children or her grandchildren and was a very cold, angry and difficult woman. It’s no surprise that my husband is the way he is, given that she was his main caregiver. I was married to my husband for 20 years. There were a few red flags when I met him, but I was very naïve . I didn’t really realise how important these red flags were as I’d only had healthy relationships before that. I didn’t know a thing about personality disorders either; he was very high functioning and a high achiever, so it never crossed my mind that he could have a psychiatric problem. He wasn’t good at intimacy, close contact or even holding my hand but in the early days I just thought he was very shy. His moods were a big issue and they would go in cycles, from ‘ok’ to ‘difficult’. He would give me the silent treatment and manipulate me in covert ways in order to get me to behave the way he wanted. I’m very much a people pleaser so I was easy prey. As the marriage went on this was the pattern. So slow and insidious was this manipulation that I was not fully aware of his tactics in the early days. However, it all felt dysfunctional and I knew the balance was off. There were times when he was nice to me too so I was confused and too embarrassed to share it with anyone , especially as I couldn’t even articulate how bad it was making me feel. I was in a ‘fog’ most of the time, waiting for his kinder moments. We got married and on our honeymoon we had sex just twice. When we came home the sex completely stopped and I wasn’t allowed to question it – if I did, he would rage at me or give me the silent treatment again . I didn’t know what was going on. I thought to myself “Maybe he is gay and our marriage is a cover for that” but I kind of knew in my heart that he wasn’t gay. I now know that this was all about control , as well as a serious fear of intimacy and rejection. The refusing to have sex went on for many, many years and then he had a one-night stand with somebody. I found out because she rang his phone which I had at the time; mine was broken. When I found out he denied it and got really angry at me for even making the suggestion. He went to an STI clinic to get tested and I followed him and confronted him when he came out. Then he admitted it, which I didn’t expect him to do. He got so angry, a lot of drama ensued with the end result being that I could never mention it again and was given days of the silent treatment. I ended up apologising to him for questioning it too much, which is madness now looking back at it! What was I thinking? How did he manage to twist it to make himself appear the victim in this sorry scenario? My parents both became terminally ill and I said to him that I wanted to have children before my parents passed and that it was unfair to deny me children now, given their illnesses especially. I knew my Mum and Dad would love to see me with children before they died. Fortunately, he agreed. So we had sex on my fertile days… I had to pinpoint those days accurately and I did my research as I knew he might change his mind and I was desperate for kids. I got pregnant on those 2 occasions which I was thrilled about (and so was he!). The sex was functional but I got my babies out of it! He really loved being a Dad. For all his issues, in the pre-school years he was very attentive. He loved the attention they gave him. He was happier and a bit nicer to me, although we still had no sex life. As the children reached junior school age he started to say that he was losing them because they were growing up – and that’s when it got worse. He was very controlling of me. I had to do everything in the house. It all had to be done his way, he would constantly give me the silent treatment to manipulate me into behaving a certain way. I did what he wanted me to do in order to keep the peace; not wanting my kids to be living in a war zone. You just do, don’t you? You’ll do anything for your kids. When the kids were between ages of 7 and 9 they would say to me, “It’s not right the way that Daddy treats you”. I didn’t really understand because by then it was my ‘normal’. He was sometimes nice to me and he was highly intelligent so it didn’t really make any sense to me. I was on my own very much, as Mum and Dad had died by then. I knew it was dysfunctional but I thought “No marriage is perfect”. I loved him very much as well (crazy, I know!). It became more and more apparent and the kids started to say more. They were sometimes scared of him too – my son particularly. I started to assert myself more as time went on. He was getting worse and it really became quite bad. I started to realise that it was completely wrong the way that I was living. I’d look at other couples and would sometime hear a wife say to a husband something that I knew I’d never get away with saying. Even if it was something very simple and normal, like the banter of a normal, healthy relationship. So I started to think “What is going on here?” As I was starting to assert myself and the kids were growing up, it really shook him up. Things got even worse, the control got worse. It wasn’t that he didn’t let me out of the house, but if I did go out with friends he’d give me the silent treatment the next day; so it wasn’t worth the hassle of going out. It was easier to stay in and keep the peace. He liked me in the house and busy. He’d never tell me how to dress. He never really needed to as I’m quite modest, so he didn’t feel he had to control me in that way. He controlled the way I ran the house though. I had to pander to him. He wasn’t interested in what was going on in my world or in my head, it was all about him and he was constantly negative. He’d come in and moan about work, if I ever said anything about my day, he’d always bring it back to himself. He was utterly self-absorbed and I was really unhappy as things were getting worse. Life with him just escalated and at times he appeared tormented. His Mother had had a breakdown in her 50s and I thought that perhaps this was happening to him. On a rare sharing moment he told me that after work he’d drive to somewhere secluded to cry in the car before he came home. He even once said that his life would be easier if I died… he said it in such a matter-of-fact way too that I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or run! I wasn’t even aghast at that point, I was just all over the place trying to manage him and to protect the children from all his unravelling. I decided to leave him finally after I realised that he had a serious and longstanding issue with porn addiction and that he had viewed it whilst sharing a family room with my two wonderful children . That was my epiphany and my motherly instinct to protect my children gave me the courage to stand up to him finally. I found an inner strength that I desperately needed. I also felt traumatised at this stage. I simply didn’t have the capacity to endure anymore pain from him. I wanted my life back and my children well away from this toxic environment. I didn’t want them to go on to have unhealthy relationships themselves or mental health issues. I took all of his tech devices away which he’d kept hidden and I hid them away myself. I felt on a mission but was in absolute despair as well … I realised I was married to a bully. We had no intimacy of any kind. He wouldn’t even hold my hand or sit on the sofa with me, never would hug me unless he was drunk and then after all these years I realised he did have a sex drive after all but he’d kept it all for porn! The last year before I left him was an extremely bad year, and the year before that had been bad one too, but not as bad as that final year. When I said the marriage was over he said he was going to kill himself. I was so strong though, I said “Don’t tell me, tell a doctor. I’ll take you down to the hospital”. We got in the car and I took him there. I never spoke a word or offered him any reassurance. I knew this was a tactic of his. We saw a lovely young doctor who told him it was probably a panic attack but I knew my husband was trying to get me back to being my usual submissive self. Because he was in a mess he admitted to the doctor “I’m selfish and I’m a bully, there’s something wrong with me”. He’d forgotten that I was in the room listening as he was in a bit of a state! I couldn’t believe that he’d admitted it after all these years. We left with anxiety tablets. When we came home he thanked me in a very insincere way and asked if he could come back to our bedroom (he had been sleeping in the spare room). That further proved to me that he thought his suicide threat would scare me. He thought that I’d give in and I’d revert back to being a timid wife and carry on with this farce of a marriage. I said “No, you’ll stay in the spare room and you’re never coming back into our bed. It’s over”. I was really firm. He said “It’s like you’ve died”. I told him “No, I’m re-born!”. I’ve never looked back from that. He started to unravel in the house. He stayed for another 3 months, the most awful 3 months. He was texting a woman right under my nose and the kids were aware of it all. He was really messed up. In fairness to him though he admitted to his children that he had psychiatric problems after he had a crazy night in the house . I know that was very, very hard for him to admit but I didn’t care about him, I just felt for my children. I gave him an ultimatum after 3 months as he was making no headway with moving out and was acting strange. I told him that I was struggling in a big way. He was unstable and I was stable and that, if he had any decency, he would go and leave me to be with the children so we could get our heads sorted. He listened and move out a few weeks after. I thought him going would help a lot but, as mad as it sounds, I was still madly in love with him and I was trauma-bonded to him (which I didn’t know anything about at the time). Trauma bonding is like an addiction that is a result of abusive relationships and intermittent re-enforcement. It’s seriously hard to recover from. I hated him so much but I loved him and ached for him. I was beside myself but I had to keep it all internally because of the children. I saw him in a car park once and I threw my arms round him! It was the hardest time of my life. One day, I’d just had a really, really bad day and I said to the children “Mum’s heading to rock bottom”. They were incredible and lay on the bed hugging me all evening. That night I decided to get some help. I went to see my doctor in the morning and I got some antidepressants and I also found a private therapist because I didn’t want to wait, I just wanted to get well. The pain was just too much. I chose a therapist who specialised in personality disorders and porn addiction because I knew he would understand the mind-set of my husband. The therapist was fantastic. He helped me with my trauma and explained about trauma-bonding. This helped me realise that everything I was experiencing was normal. He gave me techniques to manage my grief and it was so good to share the madness that was my marriage. The therapist suggested that I go to a domestic abuse support group. I hadn’t recognise that it was domestic abuse because my husband didn’t hit me. I wasn’t getting beaten up and also because my husband was a professional man. I understand now that domestic abuse goes across all social classes. In fact, my son said to me “Promise me he’s never hit you Mummy”, he’d assumed that because of the way he was treating me that he would have also been hitting me. At the time I still wasn’t clear how awful he’d been to me as I was still in this trauma-bond. I’d still remember the nice times. I’m still not over him yet, but it’s a lot better than it was. I contacted TDAS and about 6 weeks later I got a call to say that there was space on the True Colours course . I remember when I went on that first day I was saying to myself “I don’t think this will do me any good”. But I wanted so much to get well, to be free of the pain and to move on. I thought “I’ll do anything it takes to get free. My kids need me to be well” and this drove me forwards. It was great on that first day. I felt as such peace as everyone was in the same boat. We had quite different stories and different ages. Sandra and Sharan (TDAS staff) are just delightful, very warm and gentle people; which is exactly what you need. It was so different to my therapy, as you’re meeting people who you can share things with, other women. Even though we were all very different we were similar in having experienced the same patterns of behaviour and the abuse cycles. I started to recognise the cycle that my husband had. It was like a woman menstrual cycle in its regularity! I didn’t know about boundaries. I was so naïve. I’d lived in a bubble for 20 years where I had to behave myself all the time. I came out of the marriage like a young girl again who doesn’t know if she’s coming or going. The TDAS course was a real eye-opener and a good education. I did 6 weeks, I had to miss one week because of work but I didn’t want to miss it because everything I learned was really crucial to my wellbeing. All the things I was taught I listened intently to. Moving forward I’ve got to have a healthy relationship because I could find myself back in that vulnerable state again where somebody would take advantage of me. I know that I am easily manipulated, which I hate admitting. I’ll probably never meet another partner, as everyone has got a red flag! I met people through the course which was nice, on the last day of the course we all hugged and we created a WhatsApp group for keeping in touch; that was really good. I learned about all the different types of abuse, including emotional and financial abuse. I understood more about manipulation and what constitutes a healthy or an unhealthy relationship. I also did the TDAS Back to Me course which was a final part of the programme. That’s when I started to realise that I had control of my life now and I could move on. I started to feel positive and began making plans to socialise more and meet new friends. It covered a lot of things about self-love. I realised that I’d never understood the concept of self-love until then. I’d had to do everything for him and everything his way, so this was all new for me. I’m working on my self-love now. I’m currently reading a book that’s helping me to see that I am loved and that I do love myself; it’s so important. I did learn so much on the course. Everyone has a different story and can be abused in different ways. I had thought that everyone’s stories would be more similar, for example, some abusers are loving even though my husband wasn’t. I’d thought that all abusive men would be equally cold. Everyone’s story is unique. Something might lead to you questioning if you are being abused, for example if your story is not the same as the ones shown in dramas on TV or in documentaries. However, there are some behaviours that are more obvious and others that are covert. My husband was covert in his control. Many people would never have believed it of him, as he’s an intelligent man . I was always confused. He would say things such as “Think what I just said and what I didn’t say” and then he’d twist the meaning of things. I’d end up apologising for something that he’d done! He’d use mind games to massively confuse me. If I could count the times he gave me the silent treatment over the marriage I wouldn’t be surprised if it covered several months! My memory is not what it was, he took so much out of me. I was a really happy soul before I met him. I had the most wonderful childhood with the most amazing parents, it couldn’t have been a better childhood. Then I met him and he took away all that goodness; it’s like he sapped my soul with all the mind games and abuse. I’d have loved if I’d have read somewhere about the signs of covert abuse, then I would probably have looked at my situation and recognised it, but because he never hit me I never considered that it was abuse. I just knew it was dysfunctional but couldn’t work out what it was. High-functioning, professional men, there are lots of bad ones! It’s not just people from deprived backgrounds. He’s a dangerous man. He would have been the death of me, I know he would and I don’t say that lightly. He never had my back, never cared if I was out late or if I was on a long journey. I could never be unwell, he’d never let me be unwell. If I wasn’t feeling great I’d never say anything because he’d just make an unkind remark. His actions never matched his words. Compared to my parent’s loving marriage mine was the opposite. He’d talk about me externally or brag about me, but would never say anything positive to me face to face and he would knock my confidence constantly by rubbishing or not acknowledging any achievements of mine. TDAS was amazing for me, it really was. I felt better for it, I felt I’d moved on. I started a new chapter. I see healing as different chapters; there was the devastation of leaving him, the awakening to the understanding that I’d been abused for all those years, then I became depressed. Next was the trauma-bonding chapter (which was hellish), then there was the “Why?” chapter – “Why did this happen to me?” I wanted to understand, so I researched and read masses of information. I tried dating which was a nightmare because I needed to heal myself first. I needed to learn about boundaries. I was still very fragile and still easily manipulated. I know I need to work on myself first before I consider dating again. I don’t want to find myself in the same situation. I was a bit fascinated by the psychology of the personality disorder. Why my husband was the way he was. I still go to my therapist for support in getting through the divorce; it’s a way of looking after myself. He’s helping me to assert myself more and working on setting boundaries. I’ve said to the children that if they want to speak to a therapist they just have to let me know, so far they haven’t wanted to. My husband is very needy for attention. He make the kids feel bad if they don’t go and see him when he wants them to. He uses guilt-trips. My daughter doesn’t let him do this anymore and tells him to stop it. He does still try to manipulate them but now they’re old enough to deal with him, although I talk to them about healthy boundaries. They have their own phones so I don’t have to speak to him. I find it triggers me if I have to talk to him, so I keep away from him. No contact is how I will heal quicker. I’ve never badmouthed their Dad to them and I’ll never do it; it would only make the kids feel worse and their happiness is my priority. If I’m honest, I have been really tempted at times but thankfully I’ve managed. They’ll know that I am the stable one and that I provide a safe home for them. I encourage them to see him. It’s worked quite well so far, he is a good father. Of course, you can argue that a good father wouldn’t treat the mother so badly! I feel like I’m coming out of the worst of it all now. The kids are doing well, so I think I’m doing alright. They’re both doing fine at school. He took 20 years of my life, but I’m grateful for where I am now. I’ve got 2 healthy kids and I have the rest of my life without him. I’ve got so many plans and I’m working on myself. I’m building the new version of me. I’m showing my kids that I came out of that. That their Mum’s a strong woman. I want my son to find himself a strong woman and I want my daughter to be a strong woman herself!

TDAS Awarded New Funding to End Women's Homelessness Trafford charity awarded Tampon Tax funding to end women’s homelessness Trafford Domestic Abuse Services (TDAS) a local charity that helps those suffering from domestic abuse, has been awarded £29,579 from Homeless Link’s Ending Women’s Homelessness grants programme, funded by the Government’s Tampon Tax Fund. TDAS is one of 29 charities across England, working with women who are homeless or at risk of homelessness, to receive a grant. Almost 200 organisations applied for a portion of the £1.85 million pot. Women’s homelessness is a significant national issue with many women having experienced violence and abuse contributing to their homelessness. Over 640 women sleep on our streets every night and thousands more do not have access to a safe or suitable home. Homeless Link’s grants programme aims to help end women’s homelessness by building capacity for gender- and trauma-informed services and developing partnerships between homelessness and specialist women’s sector charities. TDAS will use the grant to provide a trauma-informed, Move-on Domestic Abuse Service. This service will provide expert advice for women in refuge, temporary and supported accommodation and those at risk of becoming homeless or who are sleeping rough. As well as supporting women who have resettled in the community to maintain their tenancies, stay safe; preventing them from becoming homeless. Samantha Fisher, TDAS CEO said “We are absolutely delighted to have been awarded this grant. We are seeing more and more women and children requiring support to prevent them becoming homeless. This funding will enable us to reach out to them sooner, offering them the interventions they need to break free from domestic abuse and preventing homelessness.” The grantees were chosen by a cross-sector, all-woman panel, including women with lived experience of homelessness. Homeless Link's Assistant Director of Practice and Partnerships, Tasmin Maitland commented: “Women’s homelessness is a growing crisis. Despite this, women who are homeless or at risk of homelessness are one of the most marginalised groups in our society and the specialist support that they need is often lacking or non-existent. “We are delighted to be able to award TDAS a grant that will have a real impact on the support that women experiencing homelessness in Trafford receive, and ultimately contribute to ending women’s homelessness for good.”

Volunteer Outreach Advocate Location: Community locations within Trafford Main Contact: TDAS Volunteer Coordinator Background Trafford Domestic Abuse Services (TDAS) is a registered charity offering support to individuals and families living or working in the Trafford area who are suffering or who have suffered domestic abuse. We provide both intervention and prevention services and work in partnership with other voluntary organisations to support families across Greater Manchester. TDAS is launching a new Outreach Service for people who have experienced domestic abuse. Service users will be able to attend drop-in sessions with one of our specially trained Domestic Abuse Advisors in locations across the community of Trafford. Services users can access emotional support, information and advice. Once a service user has accessed the Outreach Service with one of TDAS’s Domestic Abuse Advisors and is ready to be signed off but still requires lower lever support, the Domestic Abuse Advisor will hand over the support to the Volunteer Outreach Advocate. Volunteer Outreach Advocates will continue to provide support for service users with lower level needs. Purpose of the role Outreach Advocates will meet with service users who have experienced domestic abuse within the community to provide emotional support, information, and practical support. Outreach Advocates will support service users in recovering from domestic abuse. Activities To complement the work previously undertaken by the Outreach Domestic Abuse Advisor to support service users to achieve their goals. To support service users to attend appointments where they may need advocacy and/or befriending. To assist the service users with telephone calls, filling out forms, accessing relevant support services. To offer ongoing practical and emotional support to all service users. To promote and support the development of TDAS by being a positive ambassador at all times with volunteers, staff members, service users and external agencies. To support the service users to get to know their local area and opportunities available to them, such as social groups or volunteering. To signpost service users to local services and places of social activities. Writing up notes about the support provided to the service users on TDAS’ secure intranet. To participate in other organisational events/activities as agreed with the Volunteer Coordinator. Experience/ Knowledge/ Qualifications: Good understanding of domestic abuse, its effects on the victims, their families and the wider community Clear understanding of safeguarding adults, children and young people Clear understanding of professional boundaries, confidentiality and an awareness of GDPR Positive commitment to Equality and Diversity Empathic, good listener, approachable, reliable, trustworthy Full clean driving licence and own car with business insurance is desirable but not essential. Location of volunteering: This volunteering role will take place within the community in Trafford. Volunteers will also be required to come to the TDAS Community Office. Our address is: Gorse Hill Studios, Cavendish Road, Stretford, Manchester M32 0PS. Supervision This volunteering role is subject to receiving satisfactory references as well as an enhanced DBS check. Volunteers are responsible to the Volunteer Coordinator. Volunteers are to ensure that all organisational policies and procedures are followed and adhered to appropriately. Volunteers are expected to follow reporting procedures outlined by the Volunteer Coordinator and in line with Policy and Procedure; this applies to all concerns, incidents and anything relating to Adult and Child Protection/ Safeguarding. Volunteers are expected to attend regular supervision meetings with the Volunteer Coordinator. The health and safety of volunteers, staff and service users is paramount, and it is essential that volunteers take accountability of this when undertaking this role Benefits Volunteers will be offered training, which is relevant to the volunteering role, which will be provided by the organisation. This may be in house training or through an external organisation. Travel expenses from getting to and from TDAS will be reimbursed (within reason and agreed with the Volunteer Coordinator) Ongoing personal development and training will be supported, encouraged and facilitated where possible How to apply If you are interested in this role, please contact us for more information. If you would like to apply for this role, please complete the application form and return it to: admin@tdas.org.uk Application Form

Move On Domestic Abuse Advisor Job Title: Move On Domestic Abuse Advisor (MODAA) Salary/ Rate: £19,326.48 actual (FTE: £23,836) Pension: Pension scheme entitlement after 3 months of employment Location: Manchester Closing Date: Monday 9th October 2020 6pm Date of Interview: Wednesday 11th October 2020 Preferable Start Date: ASAP Hours: 30 hours per week Contract end date: Contract end date: Fixed term until March 2021 with possibility to extend depending of further funding.) Background TDAS is an independent voluntary organisation which is affiliated to Women’s Aid Federation England. TDAS and has been operating since June 1990. TDAS is a company Limited by guarantee and a registered charity. TDAS is the only specialist agency in Trafford to deliver services to men, women, children and young people who are experiencing or have experienced domestic abuse. Purpose of the role To provide a specialist trauma-informed support service for those women who are homeless/at risk of homelessness working with multiple agencies supporting their multiple needs. The Post holder will work collaboratively with partners to provide expert advice for women in refuge, temporary and supported accommodation and support women who have resettled in the community to maintain their tenancies and stay safe, preventing them from becoming homeless. Educating agencies involved with the women to ensure they receive the right response and are not re-traumatised is also a key part of the role. Main duties will include: Partnership with HOST (Trafford's homelessness & housing options service) to provide a place based support service for women who are presenting with housing needs as a result of domestic abuse. To be based at HOST twice a week offering drop in, pre-appointment service for women and to offer support to housing staff. Develop partnerships with Local RSL's to increase accommodation capacity including specific provision for women with disabilities and BAME Support the delivery of Domestic Abuse Awareness Training for all housing and support staff throughout the partnership To apply for this position it is essential that you have a NNEB/NVQ level 3 or equivalent qualification in child care and education, social care or teaching. You must also have minimum of 2 years experience of working with children and young people in crisis and knowledge and understanding of the effects of domestic abuse on men, women, children and young people. You must be able to assess risk, support plan and deliver services. It is essential that you have an up to date knowledge of Child Protection and Safeguarding Applicants with minimum qualifications and experience will only be considered. Due to the requirements of the role, we are requesting that female only applicants apply. Please do not send CVs, they will not be processed. No agencies please. For further information please contact Jade Powell admin@tdas.org.uk Tel: 0161 872 7368 Equal Opportunities References GDPR Form Job Advert Job Description Application Form

Children and Young People's Support Worker - Trafford Job Title: Children and Young People’s Support Worker Salary/ Rate: £18,060 actual per annum Pension: Pension scheme entitlement after 3 months of employment Location: Manchester Closing Date: Wednesday 11th November Date of Interview: Tuesday 17th November Preferable Start Date: ASAP Hours: 28 hours per week Contract end date: 31st August 2021 (possible extension from further funding) Description: To deliver our specialist Children and Young Peoples project in the Community to a group of children who have or are currently are living with domestic abuse and suffering the traumatic effects of such. The CYP Support worker will provide 1 to 1 support to children in the local community and deliver specialist domestic abuse workshops and programmes in school and community settings. Main duties will include: Provide 1-2-1 sessions in the community. Deliver TDAS R’Space© programmes for CYP who have or are living in a domestic abuse household. Deliver TDAS SOSN© programmes for CYP identified as in need. Keep daily recordings which are factual, accurate and up to date. Partnership and multi agency liaison work. To be aware of, implement and keep up to date with Child Protection/Safeguarding procedures in accordance with the organisation. Provide a welcoming, safe, stimulating and inclusive environment in which children and young people can be supported, enjoy themselves, develop their full potential and meet the requirements of Every Child Matters and current legislation To apply for this position it is essential that you have a NNEB/NVQ level 3 or equivalent qualification in child care and education, social care or teaching. You must also have minimum of 2 years experience of working with children and young people in crisis and knowledge and understanding of the effects of domestic abuse on men, women, children and young people. You must be able to assess risk, support plan and deliver services. It is essential that you have an up to date knowledge of Child Protection and Safeguarding. Applicants with minimum qualifications and experience will only be considered. Due to the requirements of the role, we are requesting that female only applicants apply. Please do not send CVs, they will not be processed. No agencies please. For further information please contact Jade Powell admin@tdas.org.uk Tel: 0161 872 7368 Equal Opportunities References GDPR Form Job Advert Job Description Application Form

TDAS is a team of specialist professionals skilled in supporting victims of domestic abuse. MEET THE TDAS TEAM! Samantha - CEO I have worked in the voluntary sector for over thirteen years and as a young person who needed support, I have always been interested in supporting people who may be facing difficult times. My journey started at fifteen years old when I began volunteering at a local nursery and youth club and this continued right through to my days at university where I became a volunteer-learning mentor for teenagers. I have a degree in Psychology and originally wanted to be a College Teacher but I quickly learnt that my love for direct support work would send me in a different direction and I haven’t looked back since. I am extremely passionate about service-user involvement and believe that their voice should be at the centre of all we do. This stemmed from my time as Client Inclusion Champion when I was a Project Worker supporting homeless women facing multiple disadvantage. I joined Team TDAS in 2010 as a Refuge Support Worker and since the day I walked through the door I knew TDAS was where I was destined to be. I feel extremely privileged to lead such an amazing organisation with amazing people providing amazing things to the families of Trafford. I am also a very proud Mummy and Step Mummy to two little girls and to Georgie the puppy. Kirsty - Services Manager I began working for TDAS back in 2011 as the Children and Young People’s Support Worker, as my career with TDAS developed my passion to offer support to adults and children continued to grow. I am truly grateful for being able to manage such an enthusiastic, dedicated team and love being able to support them in delivering our life-changing services. I love what TDAS stands for and how far we have come as an organisation in supporting adults and children effected by domestic abuse. Outside of TDAS I am a proud mum and step mum to two fantastic boys, family and friends mean the world to me. Anita - Services Manager Hi, I’m Anita. I am delighted to have taken up the temporary role as Services Manager with TDAS following my relocation from Europe, where I have lived and worked for the past 5 years. During my career I have been fortunate to work in a wide range of roles within a number of organisations where the focus of the work has ultimately been around enabling individuals to reach their potential to lead happy and fulfilling lives. I am looking forward to working alongside the TDAS team to continue to develop and enhance the direct support offered locally to victims of domestic abuse and their families within Trafford Borough. I believe in a strong team ethos and look forward to working with the current and future members of TDAS as well as partners organisations and clients. Kirsty - Business Development Manager Hi, I’m Kirsty. My role at TDAS is to develop the charity by making more people aware of the great work we do and getting them and their business involved. I previously worked in a senior role in digital advertising before moving into the charity sector. I love that TDAS is a local charity and that all the money we raise benefits people in Trafford. Those who volunteer or get involved in other ways are really impacted when they see the tangible improvements our work brings. Vanessa - Volunteer Coordinator Hi I’m Vanessa. I look after the volunteers who give their time to TDAS. I love working with volunteers and seeing the amazing impact that they have on our service-users’ lives. Volunteers make such a difference to our organisation and we are so grateful to anyone who can give their time to support the valuable work that we do. Before joining TDAS, I trained as a counsellor and supported men, women and young people who had experienced sexual abuse or trafficking. I have done lots of volunteering in my own spare time and I’m passionate about encouraging people to give something back to their local community. I have a soft spot for anything chocolatey and I love good coffee! Jayne - Finance Officer Jade - Services Coordinator Hi, I’m Jade, I am a mother of two beautiful children. I am the office administrator for TDAS and I love being a part of such an amazing charity that helps to support and transform the lives of victims of domestic abuse. I have seen first-hand how domestic abuse can affect people’s lives and from this it has gave me a strong passion to help those in need to access the right to be free and safe and to have the strength to create a brighter future for themselves. Amna - Finance Officer Hi, I’m Amna; one of the Finance Officers and have been working with TDAS for over two years now. My role covers the financial aspects of the charity, ensuring our yearly accounts are kept up to date. As a charity, it’s very important that all our financial statements are transparent, accurate and available for our stakeholders. Working for TDAS is such a wonderful experience. It’s so amazing to see how we make such a huge difference to those in need. Hi, I’m Jayne. I’m part of the Finance team. My role covers all the financial aspects of the organisation and I help ensure that our accounts are accurate and up to date. Up to date financial data and reports is hugely important to the successful running of the charity and our statements need to be timely and accurate so that stakeholders can be certain that the charity’s money is well stewarded. Working for TDAS, as part of a professional, caring and supportive team, is very rewarding. I am passionate about the work TDAS does. I love to see the difference to people’s lives that this organisation makes. TDAS Community Team Sandra - Domestic Abuse Advisor I have worked for TDAS as the Floating Support, Domestic Abuse Advisor for nearly eight years. I support the residents of Trafford who have been affected by domestic abuse and its effects. Every household I have supported has been as varied as is interesting. I have learned that domestic abuse matters to all of us regardless whether we have any experience of it. Tracy - Domestic Abuse Advisor Hi I'm Tracy. I am an outreach domestic abuse advisor. I have worked in the voluntary sector supporting those affected by domestic abuse for over six years. My role at TDAS is to provide face to face support and advice within Trafford community settings. I love the work that TDAS does and the variety of support services they offer. In a world where technology and social media advance and personal interactions are becoming more digitalised, I strongly believe it is vital to all suffering the affects of domestic abuse that they have the opportunity to sit down with a trained advisor and receive face-to-face support and reassurance. IDVAs We have 4 IDVAs supporting the team who come from a wide and diverse professional background. They are here to support anyone who falls within the high risk category following the DA risk assessment process. Lee - Domestic Abuse Advisor Hi my name is Lee. My background is holistic therapies in which I have over 20 years’ experience. I joined TDAS in August 2018 as a Domestic Abuse worker for the Supporting Change Service. Previously I worked for ten years for Victim Support as a Victim Care Officer and then later as Independent Victim Advocate. My role is to provide first contact and short-term support to those that contact our service via phone, email or face to face. I’m passionate about supporting individuals to realise their own resilience, so they become empowered to make positive changes in their lives. Sharan - Domestic Abuse Advisor My name is Sharan, I have three grown-up children and I have worked for TDAS supporting women and children for over twenty years. For ten years my focus was mainly on the support of children and young people specifically. I then retrained and worked in the role of an Information and Advice Worker. For the past six years, I’ve worked as a Domestic Abuse Advisor based at the refuge. I enjoy my role as no two days are the same and it’s fulfilling when you see the positive journey the families make. There’s lots of thinking on your feet and problem solving, but all adds to the sense of satisfaction when the positive outcomes are achieved. TDAS Accommodation Team Donna - Accommodation Team Leader I have been working in domestic abuse sector for five years supporting women and children who are living in refuge. It is a job I thoroughly enjoy and there is no greater satisfaction than knowing you have empowered a woman to take control of her life and move forward. I have recently moved to Manchester from the south and am loving the new challenges that my new role brings. Victoria - Domestic Abuse Advisor I am passionate about raising awareness of domestic abuse. During the past four years, I have worked alongside survivors to empower them to become more confident, resilient and independent. As a Domestic Abuse Advisor in the refuge my role is varied and often challenging but I am privileged to be a part of the positive changes in the lives of the families I support. Mary - Move on Domestic Abuse Advisor Hi, I’m Mary and I am a Move On Domestic Abuse Advisor. My role within TDAS is to support women who are homeless or at risk of homelessness to maintain their tenancies, prevent homelessness and to resettle into the community. I have over thirty years’ experience working with children and their families. My previous role was an Independent Domestic Abuse Advisor, I have supported those affected by domestic abuse to consider the options available to them and to develop safety plans. My role within TDAS is varied and every day I learn something new. I love meeting new people and building relationships with the ladies I am working with. Outside of TDAS I am a Mum to three grown up boys. Although they are no longer little, they still need their Mum which I love! Zile - Move On Domestic Abuse Advisor Hi my name is Zile. I have been working for TDAS for the past three years as the Move On Domestic Abuse Advisor. I am a qualified Social Worker with twenty years experience working in the voluntary sector. I have experience working in the following areas of work: welfare rights, mental health, children of prisoners, carers, prison service and children with challenging and behavioural needs. I have vast knowledge and experience of working with Black and Minority Ethnic Communities, addressing issues around discrimination, stigma, oppression and challenging stereotypes. I am able to communicate in Urdu, Punjabi and English. Amy - Complex Needs Domestic Abuse Advisor Hi, my name is Amy. I’ve worked in the domestic violence sector for just over ten years. I have enjoyed many different roles and currently work in the refuge. It is a privilege to be able to work with the families and so rewarding watching them grow in confidence and move on to live a life without abuse. I moved to Manchester from the Midlands around seven years ago and love it here. I have two little girls that keep me very busy! Emily - Volunteer Coordinator I have worked in voluntary sector for the last nine years. I enjoy helping and supporting people. I began by volunteering for a rehabilitation centre in Bury St Edmunds, which led to paid work as a Recovery Coordinator. I took this knowledge to Asia and worked in therapeutic recovery centre, whilst volunteering at Children’s Organisation of Southeast Asia preventing young girls from being trafficked. Volunteering at COSA changed my life and my understanding of the world. My compassion saw new depths and seeing the effects of neglect and sexual abuse on young girls showed me my next steps in life; I wanted to be of service, primarily to women. Having moved back to Manchester and wanting to support women, I’m very glad to join TDAS in the Volunteer Coordinator role. TDAS Children and Young People Team Amy - Children & Young People Team Leader Hi I’m Amy, I started working for TDAS is 2014 as a Children’s Worker over the summer in refuge. I fell in love with the work that TDAS does to support Children and Young people who have witnessed domestic abuse. I now co-ordinate the Children and Young People service and supervise our amazing Children and Young People’s workers, we have a fantastic service where children are at the heart of what we do. Often children and young people can be the hidden victims of domestic abuse and I’m really passionate about their voice being heard and breaking the cycle. Trafford Team Samantha - Children & Young People Support worker Hello, I am Samantha! Helping children and families is a big passion of mine. I am enthusiastic about making an impact which will have positive outcomes. My approach to my role is very passionate, child-focused and family orientated. My favourite positivity quote is: "Hope is a passion that burns the brightest!" Abby - Children & Young People Support Worker Hi, I’m Abby. I’m a Children and young people support worker here at TDAS, although I’m quite new I was brought here through a love of working with children and young people and a drive to help those affected by domestic violence. Previously, I spent five years as a primary school teacher and am about to gain my counselling diploma! I’m loving working with the team at TDAS and look forward to working with the community around Trafford. Jeanette - Children and Families Support Worker Hi! I’m Jeanette. I have been supporting children, young people and families up and down the country for many years. Life is hard, and every one of us needs extra support at different times in our lives. In my role at TDAS I have the absolute privilege of being in a position to offer some of that extra support- journeying together with families as they find hope, strength and resilience. Megan - CYP Support Worker Hi, my name is Megan! I have worked with children for almost five years, throughout a variety of different roles. My passion, for as long as I can remember, has been to work with children. I have experience working with children of all ages from working in the baby room of a private day nursery, to working for Thomas Cook as a children’s entertainer in Bulgaria! I now work in the TDAS Refuge as a CYP support worker, supporting all the residents through a variety of play, family and learning sessions! My role is to support the children and families to settle into their new home in the refuge, ensure they feel welcome and understand some of the big changes that have happened in their lives. Salford Team Jenny - Service Coordinator for Salford's CYP Service Hi, I'm Jenny, I joined TDAS in 2020 as the Service Coordinator for Salford's CYP Service; I'm a qualified Social Worker with over 6 years experience of working in the voluntary sector. I have managed and worked in specialist refuges for past 3 years, I recognise the detrimental impact that repeated exposure to abuse can have on an individual. I'm dedicated to being a part of the wider effort to break the cycle of abuse; particularly in encouraging brighter futures and more positive outcomes for it's often unseen victims - children and young people. My role at TDAS is to coordinate the set up and delivery of the Salford CYP service, to lead and supervise the CYP team and ensure the provisions of a flexible range of service for children and young people in the community who have experienced abuse. Reah - Young Person's IDVA Hi, I'm Reah. I joined TDAS in 2020; I am a qualified Social Worker and I am currently studying criminology and forensic psychology. I am passionate about working with people and getting the best outcome for them! I have had plenty of experience working in and around the community with people of various backgrounds. I will mainly be working with Young People ages 14 -18 in the Salford area. I feel it is important to care; listen and spread positivity. My favourite quote is; Beyond Fear; Lies Freedom! Tee – Trauma Informed Children’s Worker I believe every child deserves to grow up in a safe and secure environment; witnessing domestic abuse can hinder that possibility. Therefore I am passionate about working alongside children in identifying and addressing their needs. As a Trauma Informed Worker in Salford I am working in schools and the local community, empowering children and young people to thrive in all environments. Paige - Parent and Child Attachment Worker Hi! my name is Paige, I joined TDAS in May 2020, and my background has always been working with children for the past 10 years. I have a real passion for children, enabling them have their voice heard and their needs met. My role at TDAS is a Parent and Attachment Worker, I will be ensuring that families needs will be met and helping develop the happy and positive relationships that are so important for children’s development. Karima - Group Facilitator Hi, my name is Karima and I joined the TDAS team in April 2020. I completed my post-graduate studies in 2013 which focused specifically upon domestic violence with a theoretical and fieldwork emphasis. I have since been working in the voluntary sector and have worked predominantly with vulnerable young people and children in various settings. I have extensive knowledge of working with BME communities (BME women in particular) and I am also a fluent speaker of the Arabic language. My role at TDAS as a Children and Young Peoples Group Facilitator is to provide support to children and young people affected by domestic abuse.

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Volunteer Assistant Children's Group Facilitator Location: Community locations within Trafford and TDAS office Main Contact: TDAS Volunteer Coordinator Background Trafford Domestic Abuse Services (TDAS) is a registered charity offering support to individuals and families living or working in the Trafford area who are suffering or who have suffered domestic abuse. We provide both intervention and prevention services and work in partnership with other voluntary organisations to support families across Greater Manchester. Purpose of the role To assist the Children and Young People (CYP) Co-ordinator and CYP Support Workers in delivering our Rspace programme. R’SPACE© is a short group support programme for children and young people who have lived through domestic abuse. Our R'SPACE© programme is accessible for children and young people aged between 5 and 13 years, who live in Trafford. The programme consists of group sessions over six weeks with one of our specialist Complex Needs Children and Young People's Support Workers. Topics covered in the programme include: Feelings Family and relationships Self esteem Worries Anger Safety planning Main duties To help create a safe environment for children and young people to process their feelings and experiences. Assist with activities such a crafts, games and helping to engage the children in the sessions. Collecting regular feedback from service users to ensure the continued improvement of services and support offered to children and young people by TDAS. Complement the support services offered to the CYP Children and Young Persons Co-ordinator and Support Worker. Support the CYP Co-ordinator in the delivery of our specialised Rspace programme Report back to the CYP Co-ordinator if any issues are raised by the CYP. Any other reasonable duties outlined by the CYP Co-ordinator and Services Manager/Staff. Provide a welcoming, safe, stimulating and inclusive environment in which children/young people can be supported, enjoy themselves, develop to their full potential. Promote an inclusive environment that meets the differing needs of all children and young people. Provide an environment for children/young people in which their physical, emotional, intellectual and social wellbeing are all promoted. Work to the standards laid down within the bounds of the Policy and Procedures of TDAS. Experience/ Knowledge/ Qualifications Experience of working with children and young people Basic understanding of domestic abuse, its effects on the victims, their families and the wider community; Clear understanding of safeguarding adults, children and young people; Positive commitment to Equality and Diversity. Site This role is to be conducted within the community in the Borough of Trafford. TDAS main office address is: Gorse Hill Studios, Cavendish Road, Stretford, Manchester, M32 0PS. Please note that Rspace programmes are often held in alternative venues across Trafford in order to make the sessions more accessible to service users within Trafford. Supervision This role is subject to enhanced DBS disclosure checks; Volunteers are responsible to the Volunteer Coordinator; Volunteers are to ensure that all organisational policies and procedures are followed and adhered to appropriately; Volunteers are expected to follow reporting procedures outlined by the Volunteer Coordinator and in line with Policy and Procedure; this applies to all concerns, incidents and anything relating to Adult and Child Protection/ Safeguarding. Volunteers are expected to attend regular supervision meetings with the Volunteer Coordinator; The health and safety of volunteers, staff and service users is paramount and it is essential that volunteers take accountability of this when undertaking this role. Benefits Volunteers are expected to undertake training relevant to the post; this will be provided by the organisation. Travel and other expenses (deemed appropriate by the Services Manager) will be reimbursed. Ongoing personal development and training will be supported, encouraged and facilitated where possible How to apply If you are interested in this role, please contact us for more information. If you would like to apply for this role, please complete the application form and return it to: admin@tdas.org.uk Application Form

Children and young people are affected by domestic abuse. TDAS offer support services and prevention and education to children and young people in Salford. SALFORD CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE Through the Harbour programme, TDAS offer both intervention support services and prevention and educational services to children and young people who have been subject to or who are at risk of domestic abuse. We offer a range of services that support children and young people who have been exposed to domestic abuse or who are in their own unhealthy relationship. We provide educational programmes to prevent children and young people entering into abusive relationships. TDAS have both one-to-one and group-based programmes that offer emotional support and education around domestic abuse and its impacts. RSpace © and Speak Out Speak Now © are TDAS programmes written by domestic abuse specialists in consultation with children and young people. One-to-One Support We provide one-to-one emotional support sessions for children and young people who have been affected by domestic abuse. We can provide a minimum of 8 sessions for children between 5 and 18 years, who have lived experience of domestic abuse or who have been in their own abusive relationship . We have dedicated Young Person's IDVAs (Independent Domestic Violence Advocates) who will support young people who are experiencing their own abusive relationships, providing guidance, signposting, safety planning and helping them to make safe choices. One-to-one support is available to children and families who live, work or attend education in Salford. Sessions are held in school or in a community venue. We provide support around: Domestic abuse Emotional well-being Healthy relationships Family Worries Safety planning SAFER SMARTER FUTURES Our Safer Smarter Futures project combines TDAS healthy relationship workshops with sessions from other local organisations to deliver work around relationships, drugs and alcohol and sexual health to young people in school or community settings. Each organisations workshop lasts for one hour and is free of charge to schools / community groups. Safer Smarter Futures aims to provide education on relevant topics for young people to enable them to make safer choices for their future relationships. RSpace © R’SPACE© is a 7 week group support programme for children and young people who have lived through domestic abuse. Our R'SPACE© programme is accessible for children and young people aged between 5 and 14 years, who live or go to school in Salford. The groups are split in to several age categories; 5-7, 8-11 and 12-14 and explores different topics each week. Domestic abuse can be an isolating experience for children and young people and R’SPACE © offers a safe place to explore their feelings, learn coping strategies for the future and meet other young people who have had similar experiences. Topics covered in the programme include: Feelings Family and relationships Self esteem Worries Hopes and wishes Anger Safety planning R’SPACE groups are held at various locations across the city. You will be added to the group closest to where you live. FAMILY SUPPORT We can provide support to families who are living or working in Salford where a child in the family is between the ages of 5-11. Families can be supported at the point of separation from the abuser or once the relationship has ended. The family can be supported emotionally and practically to rebuild their lives and break free from domestic abuse. 6-8 weeks of support Support for the parent, the children and the family as a whole Emotional support around the domestic abuse experienced Practical support to enable the family to live life free from domestic abuse Support for families at the point of separation from the abuser Contact Us Referral Form LEAFLETS Young People Support Family Support One to One Support & RSpace "I feel 'like new' after using the worry box and sharing my worries with Mum." WHAT YOUNG PEOPLE SAY

Katie's Story of Surviving and Thriving following Domestic Abuse Katie wanted to share her story to encourage those currently in refuge. Katie came to the TDAS refuge with her 6 year old son ten years ago. Since then she’s set about achieving many of her life’s ambitions. I was 17 when I met my ex-partner, he was 24. It was a volatile relationship; he had a past and had been in prison before I met him. I was very young and naive. I became pregnant at 19. He was very controlling and took away from my dreams , for example I was at college when I met him but then I stopped attending. After nine years of putting up with incidents that I should not have put up with, for example him cheating on me, hitting me, stopping me from seeing my friends and things like that, I decided I was going to leave. I just wanted to be loved and was happy that he loved me. I felt that he loved me but if I did something wrong, I thought it was ‘normal’ that he would lash out at me! But I knew it wasn’t right really, I remember the first time he gave me two black eyes I cried my eyes out. The next day though he was so apologetic , he was so sorry, he was really guilty and kept giving me hugs. I was just happy that he was sorry. It’s just a very strange feeling. I had been very naïve about domestic abuse because I met him when I was very young. When I look back at my life then, I never had any money or any nice clothes. I always put his wants and needs first, including things like tobacco. If he didn’t have what he wanted then he would argue with me and get angry. I used to just leave my hair, I wouldn’t do anything nice for myself at all. I was the type of person that if you have something going on in your private life then I thought you should do it behind closed doors and not for everyone to see, but he was really loud. I remember walking through the supermarket one day and he was walking behind me and screaming at me ‘feffing and jeffing’. I felt so embarrassed. I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I never told people the extent of his behaviours. My Mum and Dad were aware that he wasn’t a nice person. They advised me, but he also had a very charming side to him and he put on a good act . My Mum didn’t think I was lying about it but she didn’t realise it was as bad as it had become. I suppose it was down to me in the end. You have to make the decision for yourself. People can only advise you, My Mum did and it was really helpful. She obviously knew that I was ready to leave. Towards the end of the relationship, I’d started fighting back and it was changing me as a person. One day my Mum and Dad said something to me that really stuck with me. I was screaming at my ex-partner and my parents said ‘You’ve changed, this is not what you were like years ago’. So I’d started to be a bit like him, I felt I’d lost my values and morals. I just didn’t care. My mum would even say that I’d turned into a ‘chav’. In the October before I left, I’d already made the decision to go. I spoke to my parents, they agreed that I could stay with them temporarily while I decided on my next move. I started to find out about schools. I decided that I’d wait till after Christmas, but when Christmas came I think he knew for some reason that something had changed. For three days, he seemed completely different. He was a completely different man; making effort, being nice, making me food and being lovely. He even took me out! I remember saying to myself ’I’m not going to leave, he’s going to change’. But lo and behold, the day after I had thought that, he went out with his friends and when he came back he violated me in the most horrible way possible. He did something disgustingly bad and he tormented me for about six hours. He was saying that I’d had someone in the house while he was out, he searched through all of my clothes and did the most horrible things. Then I thought ‘No, he is never going to change’. When I decided to leave I had what I was going to do all planned out in my head. I knew that my Mum would accommodate us for a little while, but longer wouldn’t be possible. I knew that I needed to have a base. I had to leave and I basically just left him. When I left, I pretended I was going to work but I met up with my parents and we had a big chat about everything. I’d packed a couple of bags but he must have found them by the time I came back. He threw my bags at me but he kept my son. It was nearly two weeks before he gave me my son back. I think by then he had realised that he couldn’t cope with looking after him full-time, also with no money coming in what would he do with him? I was really tough for me to be without my son. I think he’d also tried to brainwash him, but the bond I had with my son was completely unbreakable. He couldn’t break it, the bond we had was really strong. I moved to my Mum’s knowing it could only be temporary. Then I started to ring around friends to see if anyone could help me, but nobody could. So I went to the council, I explained my situation and that I was staying at my Mum’s but that she couldn’t accommodate me. They were able to send me to a refuge in Tameside, it seemed miles away. At this point I had my son back with me. I found it very overwhelming. The refuge was a communal one, with ten women and their families sharing one lounge. I found all the paperwork overwhelming too, changing doctors, changing schools etc. When I was in Tameside I wanted to go back to where I was from, local to my Mum but they said that there was too much risk. I thought that the risk was limited as he lived in Salford and I wanted to go to Trafford so that I could be close to my parents. I’d already been looking at schools in Trafford for my son, some of which I was able to do before I left with some help from my Mum. So we got in touch with TDAS and fortunately there was a place in their refuge, so I was able to move in that day. I was just very lucky to be able to get refuge in Trafford which was where I wanted to settle. Then I was able to get a school place for my son. Being able to come to Trafford was really helpful to me, especially as I don’t drive. The living situation and not knowing anyone in Tameside also felt quite isolating. If I’d have had to stay in Tameside, how would I have felt? Of course, you can make new friends, but it’s not the same. I imagine it’s a lot, lot harder for people who have to start somewhere entirely new. Sometime people have to move out of an area entirely because of the abuse. I know that this would be very difficult but I would say to those people ‘Just stick with it! It is worth it.’ I left everything; a whole house with all the stuff. Most of it was mine as I’d paid for it all. I was actually working, when I left him. I was in full time employment. He’d allowed me to do that as he needed the money. He didn’t want to work and wasn’t working. If I was having a bad day one of my colleagues would say ‘What’s up with you?’. When I told her what had happened, she would be completely disgusted and asked me why I was still with him, “Why aren’t you leaving?”, “Why are you putting up with that?”. I would also see my colleagues with their wages. I saw that they got to keep their money! I had zero money for myself , sometimes he’d allow me to buy the odd top. Mostly, I had to lie about what I was getting paid in order to keep any money. I’d lie and say my Mum gave me things, just so I could have a new top! I was able to save up a little bit of money without him knowing about it just before I left. Through work I’d found a new lease of life and I think that’s what eventually gave me the push to leave. I had a different mind-set as I was around these independent girls all day. My son was 6 when we went to refuge and at first it seemed like an adventure to him, something different and new. However, then it became a little bit difficult because he had always had his Dad around. Even though his Dad was awful to me, he was a good Dad to my son. It seems strange to say that, as of course, he wasn’t a good person otherwise he wouldn’t have done what he did to me but he did always have a bond with my son. I think the absence of his Dad did start to bother him. Refuge was only meant to be short time, but we ended up needing to be there a bit longer than expected; there’s no guarantee of how long you’ll need to stay in refuge. I’ve not had an easy ride. It wasn’t easy and I had to use all my strength and willpower. I knew it was a volatile, horrible relationship years before I left. However, I could never get the strength and energy to leave knowing everything I’d be leaving behind; the house, my belongings, everything I knew. Leaving was the best thing I ever did . Throughout the 6 months that I was in refuge my ex-partner did text and ring asking me to come back. I did nearly cave in a couple of times as it can be a lonely place, but then I started speaking to the other women residents. I remember some of the support I had was great. I remember one lady in particular who did the nursery. We talked about the idea of me becoming a support worker. She actually gave me a leaflet for ‘home start’. This got the ball rolling for me in my head, even though I knew it wasn’t the right time yet. In the midst of all this I actually met a new partner, it was early days but he was supportive. I also had a support network with the other women at the refuge. I had one-to-one sessions that were really helpful. It was also really important to have the practical help for bidding (for housing places). The TDAS staff could see if I was struggling and they would talk to me about how I was feeling. It’s not easy. It was really difficult, I did nearly cave in and go back to him but I was lucky because I did have a support network where I was. My son is 16 now and he does remember our time in refuge and some of the friends we made. In refuge, sometimes we’d do big games of hide and seek with all the residents. It’s brilliant that he seems to remember just the fun times , so we’ve never needed to have any serious conversations about it. He does know why we were there but his Dad has told him a completely different story about why I left. Sometimes I see parallels between my ex-partner and my son, which is quite scary. Sometimes I blame myself and wish I’d left earlier, but all I can say is that I left when I was ready. I’ve tried ever since to put things right. I used to think that all men were the same. However, the partner that I met around the time of moving into the refuge I’ve now been with for 10 years and we’ve just got married! My new partner has been incredible and has stuck by me. I had a few issues with my son. His behaviours were a bit challenging. I don’t know how much of it was due to our scenario, however afterwards we found out that he has ADHD. Some of the behaviours were related to that, the first signs of ADHD. For a long time it wasn’t diagnosed and was blamed on our scenario and ‘bad parenting’. Of course, my son didn’t understand what he was going through at the time, but the signs were there of ADHD from the age of six. To help my son, my new partner and I did these ‘Incredible Years Parenting Courses’ together. I went to every school meeting and got my son into such a good routine including doing extra-curricular activities; we just did everything we needed to do to help him. We had been seeing specialists for my son for a few years. They even discharged him several times saying always “It’s not ADHD, it’s just to do with the circumstances he’s lived through blah, blah”. I persisted and when he was about nine years old they finally diagnosed him with the ADHD. I do actually still speak to my ex-partner, it’s very strange. I don’t know if he’s grown up at all, but I can still see that side of him, the abusive side. He has got a partner and I feel sorry for her. After a few years had passed I thought that it was right for us to be in touch. He did stay part of my son’s life, he never did anything bad to my son although there were one or two occasions where he did abuse me in front of him. I did keep him away from his Dad for a long time, but then I started off very slowly giving him the odd hour here and there and built it up from there. I don’t know whether it was a phase my ex-partner was in but I certainly don’t blame myself and think ‘It was about me’. Maybe a lightbulb went off in his head, I don’t know. When I speak to him now we don’t sit in the same room. We have conversations on the phone regarding my son. It’s strictly civil and nice, we’ve even laughed once or twice. I was in the refuge for 6 months then I got a property but I kept thinking about my time in refuge and especially about the lady who’d shared the ‘homestart’ leaflet. I decided to get the ball rolling, so I got in touch with my local college . I did my level 2 ‘health and social care’, then I did my level 3, which I did my maths alongside. Then I moved onto my level 4. Once I’d completed that I decided ‘Let’s go to Uni!’ I’ve been doing a degree in Social Work and am in my final year, after six years of study. I really wanted to share my story with others because there were many times that I could have caved in and gone back to him. But then I would have been in exactly the position that I was in before; of having no confidence, no self-esteem and hating myself. I would like to say to people that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to be strong. You’ve got to realise that you can’t go back to an abusive partner because they’ll never change. They have to want to rehabilitate themselves or maybe go to anger management classes. From my experience though, they are not going to change. A lot of things that have happened in their life have affected how they are today, it’s not your fault. Without TDAS, I wouldn’t be where I am today; without their persistence and them motivating me and empowering me. They did everything they should do, including keeping me bidding on properties and bolstering my spirits. For example, I used to love cheese on toast and the TDAS staff office was near to the kitchen. One of the staff members came out to see me. She said ‘You’re not having cheese on toast again, are you? It’s really bad for you!’ She was right and was trying to help me. It really was good. I went on a course that was really helpful. It was called ‘The Dominator’, we got a book all about it. It helped me to understand what my partner had been doing. If I’d not been in the refuge I wouldn’t have known about, or had the chance to do, that course. A lot of the practical help the staff at the refuge gave to me was really important too. The nursery lady who talked to me about becoming a support worker, gave me hope for the future. That there could be a ‘life for me’ after this ; it wasn’t all over, it didn’t all need to be doom and gloom. The idea that when this was all over I could do something like this became my motivator. Even at university on the first day, I said it to a group of students as my icebreaker! It’s my story. I’m here because I was in refuge, because I met a woman who helped me to see that I could support people, that conversation set me on this journey! What I’d like to do now is to help rough sleepers and the homeless in Manchester, so I will definitely be coming across those who’ve experienced domestic abuse and others who need help with housing. I actually did a placement helping young vulnerable women, so I have some experience now dealing with this issue as a professional. I have a no tolerance for domestic abuse! I put up a massive guard, my husband has had to put up with me being quite insecure. Domestic abuse has followed me a little bit, my self-worth can sometime be quite low. If someone shouts at me, I will shout back! It’s not really good and is something I need to work on, but I just have no tolerance at all for abuse. I won’t put up with it. I imagine though that other people would go back to that kind of relationship. I can see why people do, it’s what they are used to and it’s all you know. I knew I wouldn’t do that again. To go through all that stress and fighting, I wouldn’t do that again. I was lucky that I came from a good family, with good morals and good values. My parents were both full-time workers with their own house. I was very lucky, but if you’ve not had that example perhaps you won’t know how good things can be if that was never your norm. I continued working until I went to refuge but then I had to leave my job. It was quite difficult to leave work but I wouldn’t have been able to do my shifts and the travel as I had no-one able to pick my son up from school. Also, as it’s supported housing the rent is very high, so my wages wouldn’t have covered it. I lot of the girls in refuge would have liked to work but with supported housing you can’t because it’s too expensive. It would have been good for me to have had that continuity. Keeping your mind active and focusing on your goals is really positive. I did find it hard not to be working. At refuge there was a no alcohol policy but I was tempted to sneak in a bottle just because the hours could feel so long and would drag. I just wanted to make myself feel better because at that stage I had nothing, I’d had to give it all up. It was lonely even though I had support. There’s a lot of time to think on your own. So keeping working and keeping active is something that I would have liked to have been able to do. My advice to those currently in refuge is to take all the support you are offered. You are lucky if you get a place in refuge, so take all the opportunities it gives you. My confidence and self-esteem go from strength to strength . I can still have bad days as I had 10 years of having my confidence knocked, but the more I achieve, the more I go from strength to strength. I never thought that I’d get married, never thought I’d go to university. All my bucket list things are actually happening. My next one is driving, which hopefully I’ll start this year! Thanks so much for sharing your story Katie!

Andy's Story of Getting Involved with TDAS "Before I was approached by TDAS to join the board I had been looking for an opportunity to get involved with a third sector group in the Manchester area. I now work in the public sector but prior to taking up my current post I worked for a third sector organisation for many years and was involved through being an elected representative, with several others, including a Women’s Aid group. In my view the Women’s Aid movement has been one of the most significant factors in raising awareness and changing attitudes to domestic abuse and can be credited with saving the lives of thousands of women since its inception in the 1970s. I got involved with TDAS because I think men should own the problem of domestic violence. In the vast majority of cases it is a crime perpetrated by men against women and is a problem of male behaviour that reflects the continuing in-balance of power between the genders . Men should recognise their collective part in this and, if they can, offer their support to women who try to help other women escape abuse and to bring about change in society as a whole and I am happy to do what I can to support the work of the dedicated women that govern and staff the organisation. The professionalism of the workforce and the commitment of the trustees is inspirational and makes a massive difference to the lives of the many women and children TDAS provides refuge and other services to. TDAS is part of the struggle against a deeply ingrained societal problem but it also has a modern outlook. Recognising that gender is not necessarily fixed and that men can sometimes be victims of domestic abuse has widened the outlook of the organisation. Its work with children and young people to raise awareness is particularly ground breaking and inspirational. It is a privilege to play a small part in an organisation that makes such a huge difference. For somebody whose work prevents them from engaging directly in political activity my involvement with TDAS allows me to support a cause which is key to the better, more equal society I have argued and campaigned for throughout my adult life. " Andy Mudd, TDAS Trustee