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What is Domestic Abuse?

The cross-government definition of domestic violence and abuse is:

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Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. The abuse can encompass, but is not limited to:

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  • psychological

  • physical

  • sexual

  • financial

  • emotional

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Domestic abuse can happen to anyone - it has no regard for your sex, your age, the amount of money you have, where you live, what ethnicity you are, whether you are gay, straight or transgender, or if you are religious or not. Once abuse has started it is likely to happen again. Abuse is rarely an isolated, one-off incident. Usually, it is part of a pattern of controlling behaviour that becomes worse with time. 

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The following things may also be happening to you

  • being physically or sexually abused

  • being afraid of a current or former partner or family member, or to express your true opinions in front of them

  • having belongings destroyed

  • being prevented from seeing family or friends

  • being threatened that your pets will be harmed or killed

  • living with jealous and possessive behaviour and feeling isolated

  • being humiliated or verbally abused

  • being financially abused; having money taken from you or not given enough to live on.

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Why people may find it difficult to leave an abusive relationship

Domestic abuse is controlling behaviour and it is used to exert and maintain power.  People stay in abusive relationships for a variety of reasons which can include:

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  • love or terror

  • fear of further abuse

  • fear of becoming homeless

  • fear of losing children

  • being threatened that your pets will be harmed or killed

  • dependency upon the abusive person for money

  • a home

  • personal care

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Domestic abuse is not always constant. There is usually:

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  • a cycle where tension builds up

  • an abusive incident followed by a honeymoon period where the abuser promises it will never happen again.

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WHATEVER THE REASONS FOR STAYING, THE FACT STILL REMAINS THAT

ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR HAPPENS BECAUSE OF THE ABUSIVE PERSON'S PROBLEMS,

NOT BECAUSE OF ANYTHING THE PERSON EXPERIENCING THE ABUSE DOES OR SAYS.

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Some things to remember...

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  • The abuse you are experiencing is not your fault

  • Ask for help.  There is a way out.  There are people who can help you

  • Domestic abuse does affect any children living in your home

  • You deserve a life without abuse

  • There is a safe and secure place for you and your children to go to

  • There is support available for men experiencing abuse 

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